Tom Zollo Doesn't Know Shit About Music
Maurice on Barstool Philly
Nov. 21, 2013
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Normally I don’t let things on the internet anger me. I’ve heard it all, read it all, and seen every type of trolling that’s out right now. But last night something happened that made me more angry at my keyboard than I’ve been in years. I got this picture in an email from Louis with the subject “this is it”:
I was already late for something at the time. Was supposed to have left my apartment like 15 minutes earlier, yet the spirit of good taste would’t allow me to let this slide. This wasn’t trolling. This was flat-out stupidity. Here’s how the conversation ended:
Louis 6:53 PM (18 hours ago) to me:
i got nothing. i dont even want to argue it because its too stupid for me to even argue it. i want to just chrip zollo, So if dave stops letting you put music on his site your never getting a never job in the “industry” again huh?
Maurice 7:00 PM (18 hours ago) to Louis:
i can’t remember the last time i was so internet-enraged. i’m late for a thing right now and wish i could sit here all night and bash zollo for the shit he’s saying. dude just compared hey ya to hollerback girl. hey ya is a fucking brilliant take on modern relationships masked as a pop song. he really is an idiot. i’m dumbfounded and angry that this dude has any music authority.
See, it would be one thing if this were KFC or Big Cat or someone whose opinion on music doesn’t matter…but it was Zollo. This guy literally makes a living as a music writer. It should be impossible for someone who works “in music” or for someone who’s even A FAN OF MUSIC to be this thick-headed.
But then I hear “oh but Zollo was born in like 1997 of course he doesn’t know about Outkast”. No excuse. I wasn’t born until the 80’s but I still know and respect a lot of classic rock, soul, R&B, old school rap, blues, folk, country, pop, etc. If you’re a FAN OF MUSIC then you make the effort to educate yourself on the topic because you love it. You don’t just write off possibly the greatest rap group of all time because you’re too lazy or stupid to have done the research.
Outkast has sold over 25 million records, but even beyond their popularity they were important because of WHAT they produced. All-time albums. ATLiens, Aquemini, and Stankonia are classic rap albums. Speakerboxxx/The Love Below is a classic regardless of genre. Outkast are the only rappers to ever win the Grammy for Album of the Year, mostly because The Love Below is a concept album and genius in its ambition and process. But, of course, Zollo doesn’t know shit about any of this.
“Hey Ya” is a brilliant take on relationships in the modern era, an honest teardown of love stereotypes that challenges the notion that “love is forever” and praises older generations for staying monogamous. Ever listen closely to the lyrics?
My baby don’t mess around
Because she loves me so
And this I know for sure.
Uh, But does she really wanna
But can’t stand to see me
Walk out the door.
Don’t try to fight the feelin’
‘Cause the thought alone is killing me right now..
Uh, thank god for mom and dad
For sticking two together
‘Cause we don’t know how…
You think you’ve got it
Oh, you think you’ve got it
But got it just don’t get it
‘Til there’s nothing at all
We get together
Oh, we get together
But separate’s always better when there’s feelings involved
If what they say is “Nothing is forever”
Then what makes, then what makes, then what makes
Then what makes, what makes, what makes love the exception
So why you, why you
Why you, why you, why you are we so in denial
When we know we’re not happy here…
Y’all don’t want me hear me, you just want to dance
Zollo’s the guy who doesn’t wanna hear him and just wants to enjoy somebody hitting buttons on a Macbook.
There’s a reason why it was #4 on Rolling Stone’s top 100 of the decade and Grantland’s #1 song of the millennium. This isn’t like the Grammy’s — these people aren’t just making this shit up. It’s a GREAT pop song, Trojan-horsing a very real message about the difficulties of relationships under a catchy 3-chord melody so well that it was a number 1 hit for nine weeks.
Really hope Zollo doesn’t take this blog as trolling because I believe what I’m writing with every fiber of my being. He. Doesn’t. Know. Dick. About. Music. I’m not even a full-on music nerd and even I can see clear as day that this kid’s taste is trash. It’s not that he likes EDM and electronic music — nothing wrong with that. Every genre of music has it’s good and bad and electronic music is no different. The problem with Zollo is that he’s gleefully ignorant to any music that wasn’t fed to him directly.
This is getting too long. I guess the point is that if you’re a regular frat guy or some shit and don’t like Outkast it’s whatever and acceptable because you never claimed to be a music expert. But for a kid who gets paid to work with musicians, who WENT TO HARVARD, and who blogs about music professionally to be this dumb and out of line is unacceptable. UNACCEPTABLE.
Zollo sucks. Not even gonna get into how wrong he is about “Runaway”.