Jerry Jones Says That He Can Shoot Pigs Out Of His New Helicopter

OK, let me make this clear. I hate the fuck out of the Cowboys and would definitely hate being an underling for Jerry Jones. But Jerry Jones is a hell of an entertainer. A showman to the 100th degree. He is basically a mix of Scrooge McDuck and Yosemite Sam in real life. And based on this pig comment and the “circumcising mosquitos” quote, I feel like Jerruh is really starting to lose his marbles in a good way. #Content #content #content city.

The final chapter of Jerry’s life should be as a crazy super villain that everyone enjoys watching like Tony Soprano. Dude has billions of dollars, the most famous NFL team on the planet, and tons of time on his hands. It’s like celebrities that need to do crazy ass stuff between the sheets because they have banged a million chicks already. Jerry is probably so bored with life, I wouldn’t be shocked at all if he actually does start shooting swine or live ammunition out of his helicopter. Why the fuck not? Once you are as filthy rich as he is, your life becomes a fantasy camp. I’m almost expecting Jerry to go full Mr. Burns on us and try to block out the sun after the Cowboys disappoint the world yet again this season. There are two things you don’t do when you are rich: Write checks and give a fuck what everyone else thinks. Time to get weird before the Grim Reaper comes knocking, Jerry.

I just hope this Sunday’s beatdown by the Giants is the Archduke Ferdinand shot that causes Jerry to really get nuts.

Obligatory South Park GIF: