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The Pole Vaulter Whose Dick Got Him Eliminated From The Olympics Is Upset That People Are Making Fun Of Him

BBC- Japanese pole vaulter Hiroki Ogita has described his bewilderment after reports his penis had prevented him from progressing in the Rio Olympics went viral. A video of the athlete hitting the bar with what looked to some like his penis under his shorts quickly spread online. His leg had already made contact with the bar but his arm finished the job. “I never expected the foreign media to take me down like this,” the 28-year-old athlete tweeted. “It’s one thing if it was true, but I have to say I’m pretty devastated that they’d go so far to make something up to mock and ridicule me so much.”  “To be honest, it’s pretty rough, but I guess I’m in the spotlight so this might be some kind of opportunity. I’ll do my best and get the results so that I get the last laugh,” he wrote. “It doesn’t matter if you do it for a joke or whatever, I ask you to go and watch an actual game at a stadium for once. I hope you appreciate, even a bit, what a great sport pole vaulting is.” 



So I blogged this story a couple days ago. Pretty straight forward. The guy’s dick got him eliminated from the Olympics. Well the story went viral and now the pole vaulter is mad that the internet and the media is making fun of him for it. No man! No! That’s not how you play this at all. Don’t play the victim. Don’t play the “woe is me” card. Do the exact opposite. Play into the fact that your massive hog got you eliminated from the Olympics. That’s the way to go. Go on every TV and radio show and be like, “Yeah it sucks I got sent home but on a positive side, I have a huge dick.” Say it semi-jokginly but also give a nod to the camera so the female viewers know you mean business. To be honest, I’m offended that he’s offended. He’s the one with the big Olympic-eliminating dick. Guys aren’t allowed to be offended when it’s revealed they have a big dick. It’s like being given a super power and being bummed out about it. Don’t bitch about your champagne problems*. Own it and run with it and fuck with it.



*No idea if that’s how you’re supposed to use champagne problems. I’ve always wanted to use it so I went for it.