Discussing A Few Things About Last Night's Red Sox Game, Besides Ron Kulpa Being A Dickhead Of Unimaginable Proportions
Okay, so I slept on it. I’ve had some time to calm down. I’ve had some time to think this through. And I still think that Ron Kulpa is a piece of shit dumb motherfucker.
Honestly, I’d cut him some slack, but he spoke after the game and said, “I had it in the zone right down the middle.” Go fuck yourself, dude. I hope the next time you’re in Boston, you’re out in the city, you have to use the bathroom, and because of this, nobody will let you use theirs, so you just shit your pants right there in the middle of the street. You don’t try to upstage David Ortiz and get away with it. Not around here, you don’t.
K. Got that out of my system. Now, I’d like to talk about more than just the ninth inning (which Ron Kulpa royally fucked up, because he’s an asshole). The first non-Kulpa-is-a-fuckhead-idiot takeaway from this game would have to be that, yes, I completely understand that the Red Sox didn’t lose this game because solely because of that blown call in the ninth inning. I mean, it certainly didn’t fuckin’ help. But the Red Sox were 3-for-12 with runners in scoring position all night, and they stranded 12 men on base. That, and let’s not forget that Ortiz wasn’t the final out of the game. Hanley Ramirez still had a clean slate with two outs and the bases loaded, and he struck out, too.
On the positive side of things, Rick Porcello just keeps on rolling. Yeah, he got hit with his first loss of the season in this one, but three earned runs over seven innings on the road is a win more often than it’s not when you’ve got the best offense in the league behind you. I ain’t mad atcha, Pretty Ricky. Despite getting the loss, Porcello extended his streak of pitching at least 6 innings to 13 consecutive games, which is the longest active streak in the majors.
Before he was fucked over by Ron Kulpa (the biggest piece of shit on planet earth), and ultimately ejected for defending his correct stance, David Ortiz actually hit a home run in this game. The home run for Ortiz was the 452nd home run that he’s hit in a Red Sox uniform, which tied him with Carl Yastrzemski for the second most home runs in team history. We all know who’s next up on that list, although I don’t think that Ortiz will quite be able to get the 69 (nice) home runs from here that he needs in order to tie Ted Williams for the club record.
Also, shout out to John Farrell for getting tossed after that horse shit second-strike call in the ninth. I know what the K-Zone says, but that pitch was not a strike. Use your eyes. Absolutely had no choice but to get run there, and he did. He had Ortiz’s back, and I loved it. See, John? I’m not a bad guy. I’m not out to get you. I just want the Red Sox to win.
Earlier in the season, you were making decisions that were not conducive to the Red Sox winning, so I came after you. You showed me some life last night. You showed me that you’re not just a robot that feeds us scripted garbage. You called out Clay Buchholz last week, and he came out and beat the team with the most wins the league. Ron Kulpa made some of the worst calls I have ever seen in all my years of watching baseball, and you let him know how big of a fuckin’ moron he is. I like what I see, John. Keep it up.
Final score: Fuck you, Ron Kulpa.