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Word Of Advice: Don't Bring Cocaine With You When You Report To Jail Because You Will Get More Jail Time

bilde coke

Iowa Press-Citizen- A Marshalltown man faces a felony drug charge after a powdery substance he claimed was a prescription drug while being processed at the jail on a separate charge in 2013 tested positive for cocaine. According to an Iowa City police complaint, at 3:48 a.m. April 5, 2013, Nickolas R. Woodbury, 23, of Marshalltown, was arrested for drunken driving at 1100 S. Riverside Drive in Iowa City. Police say that as Woodbury was being admitted into the jail, jail staff observed a $1 bill containing a white powdery substance. Woodbury allegedly told the staff that it was a crushed up Vyvanse pill, which he had ingested through his nose, according to the complaint. Vyvanse, according to the drug maker’s website, is a once daily ADHD medication. The substance was sent to be tested by the Iowa Department of Criminal Investigation, according to the complaint. The test determined the substance tested positive for cocaine, according to the complaint.

Listen, I’ve got no problem with this guy doing a little coke before doing a couple days in jail.  You do what you gotta do to get through each, especially if you’re headed to jail for a couple days.  Whether that be eating you favorite meal before you go in, getting laid or doing blow right before you go in.  But for the love of christ don’t bring the dollar bill you used to snort it with to jail with you.  That’s straight up Reporting For Jail 101.  It’s right there in the introduction.  Day 1 stuff.  I’ve never had to report for jail but my guess is they don’t just let you walk in without at least patting you down first.  That’s not even a guess, they absolutely search you.  I’ve watched movies.  Otherwise people heading to jail would be sneaking in bottles of booze and cocaine and then hey jail wouldn’t be that bad after all.  It’d be the ultimate sausage fest but a party nonetheless.

Do you think using the pick up line “I’m going to jail tomorrow and I’m not sure when I’ll feel the tender touch of a woman again” would work on a chick at a bar or would they start sprinting away in the other direction?  Asking for a friend, of course.  Honestly, if you try that pick up line I bet it fails 90 out of 100 times but the 10 times that it does work would be the best sex of your life.  The girl is literally fucking you like she’s the last girl you’ll ever see.  Might be worth it to get slapped in the face 70+ times for those 10 times.  Something to think about at the very least.  How about this, let’s all give it a shot this weekend and report back on Monday.