My City's In Ruins

My city’s in ruins. We got the Mets losing one of the most heartbreaking World Series ever. The Giants invent yet another new way to lose a game in which their quarterback throws for 6 touchdowns. The Jets are starting Geno Smith again. And we got old dudes JOing in the park underneath their Russell Athletic sweatpants.

Alright if we’re being perfectly honest a lot of that stuff happens pretty regularly. The Jets QB situation has been a nightmare since forever. Dudes are always jerking off in the park. The Mets are always breaking hearts but this was on the grandest scale ever. And the Giants are always infuriating their fans but losing 52-49 is something real special. So its not all that outrageous its just more like everything is heightened right now. Everything that sucks about New York City has been magnified like times a billion recently. There have always been rats, but now they’re huge and eating fucking pizza. There’s always been homeless people but now they are everywhere. Police tragedies multiple times a year. And now the bums arent even trying to hide it. Broad daylight just casually juggling their balls around like those metal Chinese stress balls. Thanks a lot de Blasio. This city is in shambles.

PS – If I’m keeping it real I cant even be mad at this homeless dude. Nothing better than sitting on your couch holding your nuts underneath your sweats. This poor guy doesnt have a couch. That bench is his couch. And yea he’s definitely stroking too much but I’m just saying the homeless not getting to juggle their nuts in private has gotta be one of the worst parts of being homeless.