Reports Say Diddy Allegedly Got His Ass Kicked in Prison By a Jamaican Drug Lord, Because Diddy's Special Treatment Drew Too Much Attention and Ruined Things For Everyone
Knew it. Only a real brain genius like myself could read between the lines of "Diddy rushed from prison to hospital with head injury" and know that probably means he got his ass kicked. Even one of my many speculations as to why exactly it happened was pretty close.
TMZ – We're told the two men were fighting because Dudus, and many other inmates, are pissed at Diddy for getting exposed in that NBC News report about his luxurious life behind bars. As a result, prison officials have conducted at least 2 raids and confiscated cell phones from inmates ... including Dudus.
John Rich – Maybe he (Diddy) flew too close to the sun. I'm sure Diddy didn't pay off EVERYBODY in the prison. Eventually someone is going to get sick of your Chinese massages and premium liquor, and next thing you know you're on the wrong end of a curb stomping. Buying Thanksgiving dinner for everyone will only take you so far.
Well… I had it half right. Maybe only a quarter. Maybe even less than that. It wasn't that Jamaican drug lord Christopher Coke (sensational drug lord name btw) was jealous of Diddy's lavish prison lifestyle. It's that Diddy's lavish prison lifestyle drew so much attention that it made the news. In response to an NBC News story about Diddy's awesome prison life, the special treatment given to "important prisoners" across the board (including Christopher Coke) was revoked. FCI Fort Dix could have the world thinking they're soft on crime. Thanks to Diddy's famous, bougie, oiled-up ass drawing so much media attention, Chris Coke is now being treated like a common criminal. So he allegedly beat Diddy's ass for it.
Now, while Diddy is clearly the biggest celebrity at Fort Dix, our sources describe Dudus -- who's been serving a 23-year sentence since 2012 -- as the real kingpin, and he's none too pleased all his fringe benefits vanished after the raids.
We're told after the fight … both men were placed in the Special Housing Unit -- aka solitary confinement -- for 2 weeks' punishment. To be clear, Diddy was already in the SHU due to the NBC report, and the fight went down when he was out for his daily break
Damn. Tough times at Fort Dix. Sounds like they had a real good thing going there for a while. If only Diddy had the sense to keep his head down, just a little bit. He had all the premium liquor and cell phone access he wanted. What more could you really ask for in prison? Just keep it semi-hidden, pay the right people to protect you (i.e. keep EVERYONE away from you), and mind your own business. Had he done that, he might not be locked in sober solitary confinement right now. Or in the hospital with a traumatic head injury. Wherever he his now, it sounds a lot worse than this.
TMZ – According to multiple sources, Diddy has access to a contraband cellphone, which he allegedly uses to view nude photos of a former girlfriend.
They say he also gets Chinese massages … and has men making his bed, doing his laundry and cooking his meals.
Sources claim inmates clean Diddy's toilets and bathrooms before he uses them, and prepare meals including curry chicken, pizza and empanadas.
One of the anonymous sources tells NBC … "This is not some normal s* you see in jail. This is some rich s*. It looks crazy, but again, it’s Diddy."
The report also claims Diddy has been obtaining antidepressants from other inmates and benefiting from a stash of high end liquor allegedly smuggled into the prison by guards.
To be a super-rich guy in prison. That's the life. Until you fly too close to the sun and piss off the Jamaicans. You just can't be pissing off the Jamaicans in prison. It never ends well.