Happy Derby weekend. The worst but best weekend of my life at the 150th Kentucky Derby

A few years ago I wasn't really into horse racing at all, I threw on the Derby when it was Derby weekend but I didn't really understand the hype. Then this weekend happened and now I cannot live without this weekend.  

It's my junior year in college at Illinois State(roll birds) and it was a pretty normal week. Sun was starting to come out more, boys were gearing up to go out for Pub Wednesday when I get a call from one of my friends who I've worked with in the past, lets call him Star. Sidenote: Star is 20 years older than me and a settled down financially well guy but also loves to have a good time, overall 10/10 great guy. Star out of no where goes "Hey, we have an RV going down to the Derby this weekend, you can bring a friend and crash in here with us and have a great time."

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Fuck. Yes. 

This is a bucket list sporting event and I was 1000% in immediately, called up one of my best friends in college and he cancelled a trip he had planned that weekend to come with. We were super excited and we were set to drive to Louisville Friday morning. Friday comes and we hop in the car and make our way out there, ready to be in the RV and see one of the most beautiful stadiums in the world. We get off the highway and drive past Churchill Downs in awe and go to meet up with Star, he sent us his location and said he is parked in the neighborhood across the street from Churchill.

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We make our way over to the RV but here comes the first problem of the trip, Star greets us and takes us over to the RV except…. It is not an RV, it is a sprinter van parked in not the best neighborhood to say the very least. With one lofted bed that you can squeeze two people into and one single person bed below. No bathroom, no nothing. But the vibes were so high from being there that in the meantime we said whatever and got ready to roll. Star had a friend who was also staying with us and we'll call him Rich. Rich is around the same age as Star but this guy is the polar opposite of him which we'll get into later. 

We have a few beers outside the sprinter van and then make our way over to Churchill Downs to go inside for the Kentucky Oaks. My whole knowledge of Derby weekend going into this is a very classy event right? We were in the infield, and when we walked in 2 things immediately. #1 My god this place is absolutely beautiful, #2 My god this is an absolute shitshow. Right upon entering from under the track we are greeted by five frat kids passed out outside the bathroom, one of them covered in puke as his date tries to clean him off with a water bottle, blacked out people everywhere, this is gonna be AWESOME. 

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We have an absolute day at the Oaks betting on horses and drinking all day and it was beautiful weather outside until late in the afternoon. My buddy and I are such smart guys and forget to bring ponchos to the sporting event that is literally known for rain every single year and it just downpours for 4 hours straight. Were jumping from tent to tent trying to stay in cover but eventually just gave up and embraced it because we were both soaked. That was probably the best part of the entire trip honestly but now the Oaks have ended and it's time to go back.

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This is when it hits us, we are completely soaking wet, sharing a sprinter van with two guys twenty years older than us and the cheapest hotel price in town is over $650 and we are two broke college kids. We immediately go to my car just to sit in there because we didn't want to awkwardly go to the RV and just sit in there yet. Change out of the soaking wet clothes and just toss them in the trunk(which will come back later) and figure out WTF to do. It is 7:30PM and neither of us want to sit in my car for hours, both of us are kind of done drinking for the day and saving it for the Derby, lets get an Uber to the casino.

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It's a thirty five minute uber to the casino out there and we get there and immediately just hit the sportsbook and we laid in those damn recliners till TWO AM. We got there at EIGHT PM. Both of us just absolutely dead, exhausted, and dreading going back to the RV(sprinter van) because it's gonna be so weird but eventually we have to. We hop in an uber to head back to the RV(sprinter van) and get out of the car, the fucking RV(sprinter van) is gone. It is 2:30 in the morning and we are stranded in this neighborhood (which I mentioned earlier NOT a good area at all) and neither Rich or Star are answering their phones. We walk about five minutes down the road to my car and sit in there not knowing what do at all when a homeless person 100% on drugs runs up and BANGS on my passenger side window. Scares the dogshit out of the two of us and asks if we have any money and we gave him a $5 just to get him out of there, he runs away.

WHERE the fuck are Star and Rich???? At around 3:30 in the morning we finally get a call from them saying "hey we had to charge the RV(once again, sprinter van) we are in downtown Louisville". About a 15 minute drive away I say okay and I'm sober enough to drive now so we drive out there to meet them, we pull up to the location they sent us, nowhere to be found. I should be dead tired at this point but I am fucking wired in this cat and mouse game to find these people, they call us back and say "Hey were back at where we parked it" WHAT THE FUCK??????

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We drive back to the neighborhood and finally go into the RV, it is 4AM and just no cares to give anymore we just want to sleep. I get stuck in the top bed with Rich and my buddy is sleeping on the floor(which is honestly more room and comfier with a blanket+pillow.) I fall asleep almost immediately just from the day we had but not just me, all of us get woken up about 2 hours later by Rich. Rich is screaming in the bed next to me at his credit card provider on the phone. They froze his account because he pulled out a ton of money to bet on the ponies (this guy is a pretty big high roller) and he was trying to pull out more for the Derby. 

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This goes on for about 30 minutes while we are all just trying to sleep and finally he hangs up the phone, also during this phone call he was sniffing something very loudly if you catch my drift multiple times. After this I fall asleep for about 3 hours in and out and wake up and just say fuck it lets get the day moving no other choice. It's Derby day.

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My buddy and I both smell like absolute shit, we changed out of the soaking wet fits but the rain and smell is just brutal. But first problem of the day, there's no bathroom on this RV(sprinter van) so what do we do? My buddy comes in so clutch and has a Planet Fitness membership and we remember there's showers there so we head on over to my car and open the doors FUCK. THE WET CLOTHES. 

I have never smelled a worst smelling car in my life, It was very humid outside and these wet clothes sitting in my truck soaked it all up, also being hung over at the same time both of us were dry heaving at the smell. Full way over to Planet Fitness every single window is down trying to air it out but it just never goes away. We get over to Planet Fitness and that might've been a top 5 shower in my life, chuck on the Derby day outfit and get an energy drink and we are ready to rock. 

We meet up back at the RV(sprinter van) with the full crew and have some drinks getting ready to go when we are joined by two of their friends (both absolute chillers) and they slide us an invite to a party after the Derby, sounds good. Rich is also completely just racked and has been skiing the slopes all night and morning long and keeps having to pee. As said before the RV(sprinter van) has no bathroom, so instead of holding it for 20 minutes before we go in Rich decides to piss in plain sight in this neighborhood… ON THE LAWN OF THE LOCAL ELEMENTARY SCHOOL WITH CAMERAS RIGHT ON HIM!!!!! WHAT ARE WE DOING???

After seeing that my buddy and I make our departure for the Derby alone and are just in awe, I mean what the fuck is seriously going on. But we wipe that aside we are about to go have a great time and party our asses off at the Kentucky Derby and we did. Back in the infield again and today they had a stage with a DJ and it was like a music festival crowd, absolutely rocking in there and watched all of the races it was a blast. Seriously one of the best times I've ever had.

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The Derby ends and my buddy and I are both definitely feeling the booze when we remember the party invite we received, call up the guys and meet up at the RV. We hang out there for an hour or 2 and head over, it's in our neighborhood only about a five minute walk away. As I said this neighborhood is really not a great area so a bit skeptical about this party especially after what we have seen this weekend out of this crew. Until we realize, this is an NFL players post Derby party who is from Louisville and bought 2 houses across the street from Churchill Downs and turned it into a party pad. We show up and are surrounded by booze, food, anything and everything we needed was at our fingertips. We met said NFL player and he was the nicest guy around, big offensive linemen and talked ball with him for a long time.

The partys going great, keg stands, shots of Malort from this Chicago guy wearing a malort polo, Rich is blitzed out of his mind swimming in the pool. The only questionable moment of the party was when my buddy was getting hit on by a gay guy (nothing wrong with that just he isn't lol) and was playing with my buddy's hair. But we drank this party dry and finally decide to head back around 3:30 in the morning. Only one problem, it is pitch black outside and we are both blacked out with zero clue where the hell the sprinter van is.

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We run around this neighborhood for about an hour until we FINALLY find it, but first go to sit in my car and hang out for a second since we were both still a bit alive. Obviously in that state of mind I completely forgot about the smell in my car, I sit down in the drivers seat (don't worry not a single thought of driving) take a whiff and open my door and projectile vomit all over the street. Just an absolute shitshow out of me by this point. I sit there throwing up when eventually we go over and knock on the door of the RV(sprinter van) and hop in and head to sleep. I passed out immediately while my buddy on the floor got kicked by star probably about 20 times while trying to sleep. 

Eventually my buddy has enough of this and wakes me up at around 6:45 in the morning (I slept for maybe an hour) and he goes "I will drive right now, let's go home". And he did drive, should he have? I don't know but we stopped about an hour in at a waffle house in the middle of no where in Indiana and let me tell you, that was the best meal I have ever had in my life. I was dry heaving before it in the passenger seat this whole hour long drive but that bacon egg and cheese hash brown bowl did gods work on me. 

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The rest of the drive went well and we got home, threw out all of those wet and muddy clothes from the oaks they were just unsaveable and said goodbye. This was a weekend that the two of us will never forget. I know there are people out there with crazier stories than this but from finding out two days before the Derby we were going and this is what ended up happening? It was absolute chaos but also one of the coolest weekends of my entire life. Bet the Ponies and enjoy this weekend, deuces.