NEW: Bussin' With the Boys Dad Merch CollectionSHOP NOW

Advertisement

So What if the Video Doesn't Show Mac Jones Nutpunching Sauce Gardner? I Warned You He's a Badass Who is Not to Be Messed With.

I don't begrudge Sauce Gardner for these harsh words. Though to be sure, accusing a man of committing involuntary vasectomies like a some sort of evil eugenicist trying to control the population is an incendiary claim. One that needs to be backed up by solid, irrefutable evidence. Which is to say, something more than some vague, ambiguous footage that shows nothing:

Advertisement

No matter how much you zoom in or slow it down. I mean, there is no "Back ... and to the left. Back ... and to the left ... " anywhere to be found in this particular Zapruder Film:

There is, however, plenty of mayhem directed at Mac Jones, both during and after the play that precipitated the alleged cupcheck. Enough that it wouldn't have surprised anyone if half the stadium was yelling "Worldstar!" as it unfolded. WARNING: The following is rated TV-MA for violence. Viewer discretion is advised:

So sure, I could question Sauce Gardner on his claim. I could ridicule the hysteria across most of the country. I could mock that hilarious overreaction by one of the many members of the Smokes family who works here now.

But I'm not here to do that. Instead, I'll just remind you all that I tried to warn you about this. Two years ago, in fact. When Mac Jones was just a skinny, wide-eyed rookie, just learning his place in this world. I told you he was, in reality, a stone cold killer. A baby faced assassin. A remorseless sadist with ice water in his veins who will choke you out, watch the light leave your eyes, then go home and sleep like a child. 

Advertisement

From November, 2021:

Mac Jones, you vile, headhunting bastard. There is no place in football for this type of savagery. Just because you're physically superior to everyone else on the field is no excuse for you to establish your dominance in this manner. …

Mac Jones is a feral, brutish, maniac whose viciousness knows no bounds. He's the Jack Tatum of his generation. There is no way to satiate his blood lust. And the best thing for defensive players in this league to do is just give him a good leaving alone. Save yourselves. Save your careers. And your health. Think of your families. And if you have any sense of self-preservation, avoid him at all costs. Brian Burns might be the first, but he won't be the last. If you stay away from his Mac Attack, he'll undoubtedly kill you on the scoreboard. But at least you'll live to tell the tale. 

Avoid this man at all costs. He's a monster

I told you so. You better stay away from him; he'll rip your lungs out, Jim. But you … just … didn't … listen.

I wash my hands of this entire matter. I warned the Jets and everyone else not to poke the bear. They sent not one, not two, but three defenders to smack Jones in the head and throw him to the ground. With no penalties. And finally, once his patience ran out, he fought back. Reestablished his dominance. And it was Sauce Gardner who bore the brunt of his savage retaliation. Blame the Jets for starting it. Blame the officials for letting it escalate. But blame Mac Jones, and you're just blaming the actual victim. Because all he did was finish it. When what you really should be doing is blaming anyone who doesn't have the sense of self-preservation enough to keep their distance from the baddest man in the NFL.

Just don't say I didn't warn you.