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Chris Evans Broke Every Heart In The World By Reportedly Marrying Alba Baptista

That sound you hear is a million horny souls across the internet softly sighing in disappointment as Chris Evans has put a ring on girlfriend Alba Baptista.

According to PEOPLE, the couple wed at a private estate in Cape Cod, Mass. on Saturday, which might explain why several of Evans' MCU friends were seen hanging around the Boston area this weekend.

Our sobs echo throughout the world, gone is our sweet Prince, into the arms of another. Chris Evans is surprise married. Wow! Cool! Congratulations! Ugh. 

I am both surprised, and not at all shocked at all by this. Celebrities are getting surprise married left and right these days and I for one, am happy that they're getting away with it. I love all the pomp and circumstance leading up to a celebrity wedding, but when I hear news like this, it makes me think the love is ~*~*real*~*~. They didn't need all of the announcements, paparazzi at the gates photographing all of the high profile guests, their big day potentially ruined by fans swarming the area. Just some good ol' fashioned love on Cape Cod. The dream!

As for Chris, I suppose our fantasies will have to live in through Captain America. Real Chris is never coming for us, but the fake superhero from the movies still might! Here's to hoping that day comes soon.