I don't think I'm lying when I say that was the hardest phone call of my life. It was definitely harder than when I had to call my parents and tell them I was arrested for forging a check to pay for drugs.
For those who haven't been following The Kirk Minihane show over the past few weeks, here's a quick rundown of events. Kirk Minihane was searching for a new producer for The Kirk Minihane Show, and I threw my hat in the ring. As I've said before, the whole thing started out as a joke. I never thought Kirk would be at all open to the idea of me producing his show full-time, considering my extensive lack of experience.
But soon after I sent the tweet, I realized that might not be true. Kirk asked me to come to Boston for a show, and I started thinking, "Holy shit I might have a chance."
Then I got a little more interested. I started interacting with the Minifans online and familiarizing myself more with the show. The more I got involved, the more interested I became. When I produced the show last Friday it went great. I felt like I belonged there, I felt like I had something to offer the show, it was awesome. I left the studio that day thinking, "Motherfucker... I would really love to do this."
But then when I got back to New York I got really bummed out. On top of realizing how much I'd love the position, I also began to realize what I probably should have known all along, that logistically speaking it would be too difficult to move my life to Boston and dedicate everything to KMS. I always knew it was a longshot, but in the back of my mind I thought, "Maybe if it's meant to be the pieces will fall into place." Don't ask me how I thought those pieces would fall. I didn't think that far ahead. I just let myself believe that there was a world where it would magically work out.
I know at first people thought I was producing his show as some sort of shitty bit. But that was never the case. I always want to be involved in more content at Barstool, and Kirk gave me the best opportunity I've gotten since I've started here. I couldn't just ignore that. Nobody in the KMS world has been anything less than supportive of me ever since I threw my hat in the ring. The Minifan's have shown me just as much (probably more) love than anybody has online since Barstool Idol. I actually felt like people wanted me to be there, and I'm beyond appreciative of that. Which is why coming to the realization that I can't make this work full-time was so brutal. I've never passed up something like that in my life, and I hate having to do it so much.
Also, if you'll allow me to bitch for a second, it's annoying how there's a bunch of people here at Barstool acting like I just dodged some massive bullet. Like if I would have gone work for Kirk it would have been this huge mistake, and he'd make my life a living hell. Kirk has been nothing but great to me, and has given me way more of a chance to be involved in content than anybody else has. No shit it'd be a lot of work. It'd consume my life and I'd probably get chewed out all the time. But why would I not want to work for a person who took a legitimate interest? Sorry that's just been annoying me today. And seeing this tweet from Big Cat after I know him and multiple other people vouched for me hurt real bad.
I even had the endorsement of the entire gay community. Which was huge considering one of the other candidates is an actual gay.
Not to mention letting down the blind community.
So all of that makes it sucks A LOT, but I just can't swing it right now. I very possibly wouldn't have gotten the job anyways, so this whole "please still like me Kirk I really wish I could do it" blog might be for nothing. But I called into the show today to give my official resignation. l hope I can still be involved in other ways. I'm willing to do whatever I can to be helpful from New York. I'll take the train to Boston at the drop of a hat anytime I'm needed. I've only been listening regularly for the past couple of weeks, but once I started paying attention it became very clear why his show is so successful. It could be way bigger than it already is, and I think I could help make that happen.
This whole producer search has been hilarious. Part of me is holding out hope that it stretches out for the next 11 months until my lease is up, and I'll actually be in a place where I could move to Boston for real. The way things are going, that might actually be a possibility. I gave my official producer endorsement to Andrew Augustus on the show today. I think he's clearly been putting in the most effort, and has shown that he wants in the most. But realistically, I should be endorsing whichever candidate I think won't last past next summer so we can run back this whole producer search again, and I can do it for real.
In the meantime, Kirk, if you need someone to do a newsletter you know who to call. Let's grab lunch sometime.