I absolutely SQUEALED when I saw this little guy pop up on my instagram this morning. Just the squishiest little squid I've ever seen. His eyes were so sad and expressive that I actually thought maybe I was getting duped and this was actually a pixar character. Nope. This whole post is real animals and the first guy is a "Cranchild Squid". The Eeyore of the Ocean. Octopus haircut and a balloon body. The ocean will never cease to amaze me. Just when you think you've seen it all the ocean will produce a picture of an animal with permanent seasonal depression disorder eyes and a fancy boy haircut that'll take your breath away.
We need a movie based on this guy. Production companies have been so lazy with their remakes of old movies lately. They need to get off their ass and write us a movie about this Cranchild Squid and his best friend (4th picture in the slide) who doesn't have eyes, but has a see through skull.
Christopher Cranchild lives with his grandparents, but he's always sad because he never gets to see the sun. He hears tales about how great it is and it's world full of color and warmth. He convinces his best friend, Mac Macropina, to swim up and go on an adventure. Mac is blind because his outward eyes never developed, but he is Christopher's moral compass because Chris can see exactly what Mac is thinking the entire time because his skull is clear. As they climb up and up from the depths they have adventures where they escape death from new predators and ocean currents until they finally reach the shallows with brightly colored fish, coral reefs, and warm water. At first they are having the time of their lives, but when they try to make new friends they realize they made a mistake. Their bodies expanded as they came up from the depths of the ocean because the pressure was less. They're swimming around with hot dolphins and jacked sailfish that can fly through the air and they get called fat and ugly. They make fun of Chris's haircut and Mac blind ass clear skull. Meeting new fish wasn't all it was cracked up to be. Mac says he will stay with Chris in the tropics if he wants, but his clear skull thoughts let Chris know it's time to go home. They swim and swim back down to the darkness. They're genuinely happy about finally heading home, realizing who they are, and where they belong. When they finally get to the door of their house they swing it up and find that their parents are dead. You, see, you shouldn't try to new things or go outside with your shirt off. Just sit on your couch where your comfortable and watch football. The end. Rated G. The kids will love it. Important lesson.