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Indiana Jones 5 Got A Five Minute Standing Ovation At The Cannes Film Festival And The Ovation Was Either Thunderous Or Lukewarm Depending On Who You Asked, But It Had Harrison Ford In Tears

Well now I have no clue how to feel about Indiana Jones based on what the fancy fucks that attend the Cannes Film Festival thought of it (I will pronounce it as Cann Ess to piss those snooty bastards off). I mean how can two people hear the same applause and have it range from lukewarm to thunderous? 

A 5 minute lukewarm standing ovation is like a halfhearted handjob. Nobody wants to be a part of it and is just praying for it to be over sooner than later. I also didn't know if a 5 minute lukewarm standing ovation was even possible. A 5 second lukewarm ovation happens all the time when you are at a graduation and you are just nicely applauding the random names of people you've never met. A 5 second lukewarm standing ovation is something you do for your grandpa after he blows out the candles on his 80th birthday because you don't want to scare him. But a 5 MINUTE lukewarm standing ovation makes no sense at all.

Meanwhile a 5 minute thunderous standing ovation is one of the greatest things an artist can receive. Mistaking a 5 minute thunderous standing ovation for a 5 minute lukewarm standing ovation is like mistaking a Corvette for a Buick Skylark. It would nevuhhh happen.

So which kind of applause did Indiana Jones get? Let's go to the video tape!

I mean that is clearly not thunderous. A thunderous applause makes a sound that you just don't hear in normal circumstances, like Madison Square Garden during a Knicks playoff game. Odin didn't name his son the God of Thunder for the pussyfooting sound in that video. 

But I'm also not sure it was lukewarm. I mean the clapping was weak, but so are the French and the people who attend the Cannes Film Festival. I see a lot of extra cupped hands, which makes sense at an event like Cannes, which is notorious for long standing ovations.

My guess? The people at Cannes probably aren't used to seeing a movie like Indiana Jones and their standing ovation, which seems like a participation trophy formality over there, showed it. I have no clue how you could call it thunderous unless you were getting greased by the studio to say that. And if that's the case, I welcome all movie studios to contact @TheClemReport on Twitter because I will sing the praises of your movies sight unseen on this very popular website for a low low nominal fee.

Orrrrr the movie just stunk and everyone was being nice to the 80-year-old star in attendance, who was moved to tears by the gesture.  I’m not sure.

We talked much more about this nonsense, the super expensive Disney Star Wars hotel closing, a Darth Vader vs. Thanos hypothetical, all things Succession, and much more on today's My Mom's Basement. Check it out on YouTube as it is hosted by the premiere YouTube content creator at Barstool according to some big swinging dicks there.