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Insiders Claim Tom Brady is Bragging About Secretly Dating 'a Blonde-Haired Superstar'

So far, in the quietest offseason of Tom Brady's incomparable life, we've learned that he enjoys a good Top Gun: Maverick-style beach football game with his handsomest former teammates. That he still plans on taking $36 million a year of the money Fox Media is no longer giving to Tucker Carlson. And that he's going to kickoff the 2023 NFL season by returning to the warm, loving embrace of the Patriots fans he left behind three years ago for a proper goodbye. 

What we don't know, apart from the occasional, not-at-all homoerotic game in the surf and sand, what's going on in his personal life. While his ex-wife is reportedly dating a billionaire with years of experience in the field of romancing supermodels:

... all we've gotten from sources close to the couple is that he's retired from pro football AND dating models. That and one internet rumor suggesting he's gone out with that actress who's in that movie your wife always has on when you're walking through the den on your way to the fridge:

And yet, if the latest celebrity gossip is true - and it's got a pretty good track record - he's finally decided to come off the bench of celibacy and get back in the game of romance:

Source - Tom Brady has been "hiding his misery" after his shock split from ex-wife Gisele Bündchen — and the renowned NFL legend went to extra lengths to conceal his post-breakup blues, RadarOnline.com has learned. 

"Seeing Gisele flourish solo is eating away at him," an insider close to Brady said, claiming the retired gridiron great has been boasting to his inner circle that he's secretly dating a "blonde-haired superstar" although it's unknown who exactly caught his eye.

The source said that Brady isn't keen on getting serious just months after his divorce from the Brazilian bombshell was finalized in October. "He just wants to make Gisele jealous and project the image that he's a happy bachelor who's got it made."

Dismiss this as a nothingburger if you must. Just do so at your own peril, because so far the track record of these "insider close to" reports has been extraordinary. If Jim Cramer had a winning percentage of picking stocks anywhere close to these sources reporting on Brady and Gisele, the entire investing class wouldn't be doing the opposite of everything he recommends.

Besides, this one just sounds credible for some reason. You can easily picture a hyper-competitive guy like him fuming at seeing his ex "flourish solo." That he finds himself down 28-3 in the Breakup Super Bowl, and has to start his comeback. So he's bragging to his buddies about his latest score in the same way he mercilessly talked shit on the field. Plus, he's as image-conscious as any celebrity out there. And understands how presenting the bold front of the "happy bachelor who's got it made" could move an awfu lot of Brady Brand $75 Golf Shorts in Structured Stretch and $145 Engineered Knit Full Zip Hoodie Sweaters, in a way projecting the image of a sad, lonely incel never would. 

As far as who the mystery "blonde-haired superstar" is, I suppose Witherspoon would qualify. She is, after all, an icon to America's female population. And she did win an Oscar for the one where she played Johnny Cash's wife opposite Joaquin Phoenix, which some men have seen. 

But then, I keep going back to that report that said he's had it with dating celebrities and just wants to be with some regular civilian. Someone with a low profile. A simple, ordinary woman with a normal private life. And I can't help but circle back to someone who's been linked to him since not long after the divorce. Early December, to be exact. This blonde:

Granted, Veronika Rajek is a model. Of a sort. An Instagram model, which means he won't have to accompany her to galas and fashion weeks and awkwardly bump into Gisele. Rajek is just a simple woman with a simple 4.7 million followers on the 'Gram. And an affinity for all things Tom Brady. That seems like a perfect match. And there's no arguing she fits the description of "blonde-haired superstar." To a tee:

If she's the one, this will be the perfect rebound. And not only immediately re-establish his dominance over the world of single men, but represent his greatest comeback since Super Bowl LI. That is, unless he actually does better. Which none of us should rule out. 

Whoever this mystery woman is, it's time for the GOAT to restore balance to the natural order of things.