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Tom Brady is Reportedly 'Done With' Dating Models

Theo Wargo. Getty Images.

Love Tom Brady, as all decent, right-thinking, sexually desirable people do, or hate him, as only soulless monsters do, one thing no one ever dared accuse him of was being unprepared. He's one person who went into every situation carefully, having done his homework, considered every possible approach, and ready for any contingency. Hell, his legendary attention to detail is what the world used against him when a cold, wet January night in the Northeast lowered the psi in some game balls. "How," the unlovable assholes argued, "Can you believe he was unaware of the air pressure in the footballs when he was always fixated on every tiny facet of being ready for a game?" 

So it should be no wonder that the GOAT of preparation is taking his sweet time getting back into the dating scene. Even as his ex-wife came right out of the locker room chucking romantic bombs from the very first play:

Knowing Brady, he's spent the last few months scouting potential suitors. Watching film of them and taking notes. Putting together 3-ring binders on them, organized with multicolored tabs by their situational tendencies. When he puts himself back out on the dating scene, he's going to want to succeed the way he used to pick apart Troy Polamalu, and not get victimized like he was facing Ed Reed. 

Still, it's a little odd that we're almost to May and there hasn't been a word about him dating anyone. Just one rumor about Reese Witherspoon that blew away like a fart in the wind.

Brady's dating life has been notable by the deafening silence. It's been Sherlock Holmes' dog that didn't bark. Until now. It seems finally his game plan is beginning to emerge at last:

Source - has exclusively learned the famed quarterback wants his next flame to be "a conservative, traditional" woman after his fumbled marriage to the Brazilian bombshell, insiders close to the star athlete claimed.

"After Gisele, Tom is done with models," one source alleged, claiming there is more than one reason he wants to pursue someone with a low-key career down the line.

"Gisele still knows everyone in the modeling industry, and the last thing he needs is his ex-wife involved in his future love life," the source said. 

Classic Brady. Leave it to him to look at the whole Dating Models thing from every angle. Sure, that life looks good on paper. Leonardo DiCaprio's been swimming almost exclusively in those waters ever since he was going with Gisele. Every time you look up, he's in the sort of exotic vacation destinations you see in big budget spy movies, escorting some aesthetically perfect young lady to a fashion show, a premiere or a gala of some sort. Who among us wouldn't desire that life? 

But Tom Brady is that guy who thinks it through and sees the flaws in the plan. He's been in that world and knows it's a small pond. And he's already been married to the biggest fish in it. The superest of supermodels. Anything less than the Alpha of all models is a step down for him. So he's throwing out that section of the playbook, going to the line, looking over the defense, and calling audibles, sight reads and check-with-mes. None of which involve that one line of work. Brilliant. 


All I'd do is caution him to not rule models out altogether. Speaking as someone who's dated my fair share of models, I believe that he should keep an open mind. That is a proud profession with many good, decent people who do the noble work of looking amazing in designer clothes, swimwear and lingerie. Models can have a lot to offer and serve the public's need for attractive people to look at. It's OK if he doesn't want to rebound with one. But down road that may change. And it's not fair that he would discriminate against an entire category of people over one bad breakup. Somewhere out there could lurk another Model Right for him.

In the meantime, best of luck finding the perfect woman with a low key job. Many of us are jealous of her already.

(Zero, actually. Which is technically true because that's my fair share.)