Some Maniac In Toronto Used His Pet Snake As A Weapon During A Fight
We've long heard about the crazy person that brought a knife to a gun fight. But this guy that brought a snake to a fist fight is a next level lunatic, even if it's a pretty decent idea on paper.
First of all, I'm pretty sure you can't charge a man with using a weapon if said weapon is a living creature. Don't quote me on that because my field of legal expertise is in bird law, not snake law. But I feel like that's the case.
Second of all, even if you can be charged with using a snake as a deadly weapon, it's hard for the police to pin that on you if said deadly weapon slithers away under the guise of night. Yeah I used guise of night on a Barstool blog to really hammer the point home since it feels like a phrase that smart people use on Law & Order SVU.
Finally and most importantly, nobody wants to fuck with snakes other than snake people. And if you are fighting someone that is a snake person, you are already fucked since fighting a lunatic that owns snakes that's like fighting a land war in Asia. We've often seen this gif of the once baddest man in the universe Andre The Giant cowering in fear.
You know what The 8th Wonder of the World was absolutely terrified of? That's right, a fucking snake.
If that isn't the biggest indicator of the fear that snakes instill in the hearts of men, I don't know what is. Plus fighting a snake guy that would do this to his own pet snake that he is already carrying around is a whole other can of worms I'm not ready to open (Speaking of which, I feel like weaponizing a can of worms isn't that worst idea since who likes touching worms other than fishermen and Brandon Walker?).