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Describing My Dream Girl

As I'm about to turn 27, I've been starting to think about what I want in a life partner and a girl I can spend the rest of my life with. And there's a few key traits that I've come up with. She has to be a big sports fan. Like a fanatic who has full on meltdowns when her team loses. Maybe even has a chew toy or something she bites down on to get her anger out. She has to DESPISE the New Jersey Transit. Have a weird hatred towards career journeyman Darin Ruf. Loves soda obviously. Maybe reviews it. Despises ketchup. Maybe a nickname that rhymes with a piece of military equipment? I don't know just spitballing. But unfortunately it doesn't seem like this girl exists....Unless...

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