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The Government Says That They're No Longer Going To Search For the UFOs Shot Down Last Week

Nothing to see here. We scrambled our fighter jets from sea to shining sea last week and blew some shit out of the sky, but after sticking their head out the window for a few minutes they're done looking for whatever it is that they shot down. The official line from the government is that these UFOs were enough of a threat that we had to scramble fighter jets and use multiple sidewinder missiles that cost $400,000 a piece, but not important enough to spend more than 5 days looking for whatever it is that got shot down. 

It's unbelievable how stupid the government thinks we are. And maybe we are. We should probably demand more. Care more. Complain in a more impactful way, but...we are just too busy. People have kids to worry about. I've got blogs to write. We've all got shit to do and there's always another crisis around the bend. 

This is the law I wish I drafted in today's draft. The Government isn't allowed to lie anymore. I feel like everything they say should be considered under oath and if they get caught lying it's perjury and straight to jail. You can't spend millions of dollars shooting down unknown objects just to distract us from an ecological disaster in the Ohio River Valley, and then act as if nothing happened. No, you go out and find that fucking spaceship. I don't care how cold it is in Alaska or if there's a few bumps on Lake Huron. You guys can adjust satellites to look into bin Laden's compound so they know how tall he is, but they can't find something they shot out of the sky in our airspace with a $400,000 missile? BULL. SHIT. Bring us those fucking aliens. Nobody will fucking change a thing about their lives. We will continue with our boring day to day, but at least we won't get treated like the kids who had to leave the regular class in 2nd grade to go learn how to read. 

Full draft here. It's a shame that Connor Knapp isn't 35. I'd love to see him run for office just as an experiment.