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Ciara Threw Russell Wilson A Birthday Party On The Broncos' Off Day And Surprisingly "About Half" Of The Team Showed Up

Debate was flying around in our NFL group chat about whether or not 50% attendance was impressive for a Russell Wilson birthday party extravaganza in the middle of an awful Broncos season. Retired NFL receiver Torrey Smith chimed in and explained that it was, so I'll take his word for it.

Wilson's party attendance rate could initially be framed as a pathetic turnout is because, well, "Mr. Unlimited" is the face of the franchise for better or worse and is making a whole lot of money to be playing as badly as he is. Not exactly a maximizer of his alleged no-cap potential on the field, much less one who can make every single guy in the locker room rally around him. 

Oh yeah, there was this report from earlier on Wednesday, too:

So I guess not everyone hates him. Kind of a surprise, to be honest. Denver's offense is literally, historically bad, DangeRuss' corny-ass personality hasn't gone anywhere, and the Broncos defense is probably ready to stage a full-fledged mutiny based on how little payoff they've gotten for their elite performances.

I won't take up another big space on this blog by self-plugging my post from a while back that y'all in all likelihood will not click on. However, I will link to it and give you the gist as a means to support the Broncos who did NOT attend the party. If I had seen Russ' TikTok where he and his weird posse were at his house, trying to pick out his game-day attire, heard Russ' cringey code-switching speech, and got a load of all the awkward reactions contained in the pixels of that video, I'd to run for the hills. 

Those teammates who did show must have uncommonly open hearts and compassion for Russ' bizarre behavior and on-field woes. Nevertheless, whomever was at Russ' bday bash, there are reportedly several who are like most of us humanoids/non-lizard people and want nothing to do with the guy in any context. They've gotta be tired of his nonsense in the locker room as is.

One important question, though: Did Ciara ask Subway to cater the party and bring back the Dangerwich sandwiches Russ was promoting a while back? Before that creepy advertisement of his went viral, Subway had it removed from their menu in August. Not a shock. I wouldn't put it past Russ to demand the Dangerwich make a comeback for his special occasion. 

Maybe that's what kept the other half of the Broncos away. That disgusting abomination of cuisine had enough processed meat, dairy and spicy ingredients to make you not shit right for a week. Last thing Denver players need at this point in the season is a foodborne illness. Their offense is already skid-marking all over the field every Sunday. I expect nothing better in Week 13 when they play in Baltimore.

The spread is all the way to nine points in the Ravens' favor, and I'm leaning their way. Been pretty decent on NFL picks this season, btw.

BUT HEY, maybe the Broncos band together after Russ' morale-boosting birthday gathering and pull a stunner in Baltimore. Not holding my breath.

Twitter @MattFitz_gerald/TikTok

OK here's the super fucking weird TikTok I mentioned earlier in all its original glory: