I've always thought that greasing the poles was a tragic waste of perfectly good crisco. Just imagine if the Phillies win the World Series right now. We're only a month away from Thanksgiving. If the city wastes all the crisco on greasing the poles to make sure Philly fans aren't climbing all over them in a raucous celebration, think about the crisco shortage we'll suffer right when we need it the most for baking delicious pies. We'll go from the highest of highs to the lowest of lows.
But in comes CamSoda to save the day. They're sending trucks filled with 55-gallon drums of lube straight to the streets of Philadelphia. In case you're a visual learner like myself, here's what 550 gallons looks like.
That is an industrial amount of lube. More lube than you'd ever know what to do with. And the best part of all?
It's dual purpose. If the city wants to grease the poles the fine, let 'em grease the poles. But you won't need to go through all 550 gallons of it. The city is going to be plenty horny when we're celebrating a World Series championship. So any leftover lube can just be for some good old fashion fuckin'. Just start handing that shit out like a stimulus check. Seems to me like everybody wins here.