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Dumping Them Out: College Football Edition

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Pretty nice boobs right?

So I already tweeted and wrote a blog about this, but I'm very scared about having to take a homeless man to dinner. In case you didn't see, I tweeted that if Indiana football came back and won, I would take a homeless man for steaks. It happened, and now I have a situation on my hands. So that's on my agenda now. I'm holding out hope that I will be able to find a nice, sane, fun loving homeless man living someone near a restaurant in New York City that has reasonably priced steaks. I need to find Bubbles from The Wire. If anybody in the city has a local Bubbles they could hook me up with, I would really appreciate that. 

Aside from losing a homeless man dinner bet against myself, it was a pretty awesome week of college football. I didn't win a single bet on Saturday, but it was still enjoyable. I thought it would be fun to place a ton of $5 8-12 game parlays. It wasn't. All I had to do is get lucky one time to turn my $5 into thousands of dollars. I see people tweet out winning tickets like that all the time. The problem is you have to hit every single bet. You can't miss one. That's the thing about parlays. 

I kinda feel bad that I went away from only betting giant favorites. I'm just too greedy. I'm trying to get rich quickly. I've never been one to play the long game. I would like to make a life changing amount of money in one day of gambling.

The Iowa game was hilarious. I was upset that they got that second safety, because I really wanted the game to end 5-3, but Iowa's defense outscoring their offense 4-3 is a hilarious stat. This photo encapsulates everything about the game, and Iowa football in general. 

It was an annoyingly good weekend for the SEC. An unranked Florida team beating the #7 ranked team in the country is exactly why they think (and they're right) that they're so much better than everyone else. Arkansas beat Cincinnati, and Georgia murdered Oregon. The SEC went undefeated pretty fucking easily. I would love for Florida State to come through and beat LSU's ass tonight, but I don't think that's happening. 

I went to a bar in Brooklyn to watch the Ohio State game last night. There's no place like New York City to watch college football. Shoutout Youngstown Bob. 

I'm starting to notice an extremely disturbing trend of my girlfriend getting drunk and telling people I work for Barstool Sports. Boy howdy, do people not give a fuck. It makes me want to die every time. Not that I'm not proud of it or whatever, but like.. yeah it's a tough scene. 


I had the original idea of tiering sunflower seeds on Friday. Tiering is where you rank things on a scale of S-F (or something close to that), then put it on the internet, and people have reasonable discourse with you about it. I might just keep doing it. It's pretty fun.

I actually had a couple different companies reach out to me about sending me their sunflower seeds to try. I gave them the Barstool address so they could send them to me, because I love seeds. But this seems like a slippery slope to reviewing food. I can see why 80% of Barstool bloggers have some sort of food reviewing content.

Tiering things and doing food reviews. It's staring me right in the face. That's the first day of Blogging 101 class. It's going to take all of my will power to not go down that road. It would be fun though, and it would probably do good enough numbers. Maybe I'll just do it for a little bit? No, John. Don't give in. Or maybe I'll give in. I don't know I haven't decided yet. Thinking of original content is stressful.

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Actually, here's an original content idea. What if I golf? I know we have The Barstool Classic, Riggs Daily 9, Trent & Frankie Breaking 90, formerly Caleb's 51 Strokes, Marty & Dana Scumbag Golf, PMT's disc golf videos, the new golf hire Daniel Rapaport, Dave winning the U.S. Open, the Chiclets guys do golf stuff sometimes, and probably other stuff. BUT STILL, I had this idea the other day, so hear me out. I used to be a pretty good golfer. I played all throughout high school. I was never great, but I would frequently break 80, so I could hold my own out there. 

For some reason, once I got to college I just got sick of it. I basically quit playing all together. I kind of want to get back into it, but golfing in New York is wildly inconvenient. However, there is a golf simulator near by apartment. I want to get really fucking good at the simulator. Then once I'm good, I'll start challenging other people to rounds of simulator golf. I'll have a huge advantage because I'll be so used to the simulator, so I'll probably be able to beat people better than me. Then I can brag about my score, and say that I'm the best golfer in the office. When people inevitably challenge me to a real round of real golf, I will say, "No thank you, I'm a simulator guy." Nobody will ever know how good I actually am, and I can brag about my simulator scores like it's real golf. This seems less entertaining than it did in my head now that I've typed it all out, but there might be something there. Again, thinking of original content is stressful. 

One more thing that makes me laugh. The bodega next to my apartment is on a mission to put as much plastic out into the world as humanly possible. Fuck an environment. I'm pretty sure it's a law in New Jersey that you're not supposed to give out any sort of plastic bags, but this bodega is vehemently against that. The other day they separated 2 small purchases into 2 different plastic bags. This morning they put my Monster energy drink in a plastic bag and asked me if I wanted a straw. They don't use paper straws either. They use plastic bendy straws. I appreciate their dedication to Big Plastic. 

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