I Am Taking a Homeless Man to a Steak Dinner
Last night I was watching the end of the Indiana vs Illinois on my phone on my walk home from a bar. I'm an Indiana fan. Both my parents went there and I was born in Bloomington, so I always have been. I am selective Indiana fan, meaning if they suck then I will stop caring, but it was the first game of the season so I still had hope.
Illinois kicked a field goal to go up 20-16 with 2:16 left in the 4th quarter. Indiana's offense had scored one touchdown all night prior to this, so I was pretty sure that they weren't going to just march down the field and win the game.
I was all but certain that the game was over. Nothing about the way Indiana had been playing made me think they were capable of pulling off a touchdown drive. I'd had a few drinks, so I thought tweeting that I would take a homeless man to a steak dinner if Indiana won was sort of funny. What could go wrong?
As soon as Indiana gets the ball, they learn how to play offense. I shouldn't be surprised. That's how college football works. In the last 2 minutes of the game, offenses level up 10x, and defenses completely go away from what's been working all game, and start giving up 15 yards a play while they sit back in some stupid ass prevent defense. Indiana marches the length of the field and ends up punching it in on the goal line with 23 seconds left in the game. Hoosiers win.
Hooray. I love the Hoosiers.
So I guess I'm taking a homeless man to a steak dinner. I really wish I didn't specify "steak". Steak is expensive. A regular dinner would have been just fine. I'm not exactly sure how this is going to work. I was originally scared to tweet that, because I was afraid people would think it's problematic somehow. Like I was exploiting or making fun of homeless people maybe? But I think it's a win for everyone involved. Someone down on their luck is going to get a nice dinner, I get to feel good about myself for providing it to him, and the Hoosiers got their win. Plus, I did spend 6 months living out of a van in Los Angeles, so I can say that I "know what it's like" to be living on the street.
Can I make content out of that though? I feel like that could get a little dicey. Homeless people are wildly unpredictable. And again, I don't want to like, exploit this guy. I would love to film the process of me walking around Manhattan trying to find the perfect homeless man to take to dinner. That actually sounds pretty funny. Not sure if that would fly though. I would love to interview somebody and hear their story. Except I think there's a 99% chance that it would be super dark. We'll see how it plays out. I'm a man of my word, so I am 100% going to do it. I will come up with a way to do it tastefully.
For the record, I'm now 2 for 2 this season on reverse jinxes. On Thursday night, I tweeted that I would be better than Penn State's QB Sean Clifford. He promptly got the ball back and lead a beautiful drive down the field to win the game.
Stay hot John.