Hundreds of People Have Unrelenting And Fire-Like Diarrhea After Visiting The Grand Canyon- One Of America's Greatest Wonders

Via: NPS The Grand Canyon is an immense, vibrantly painted geological wonder, treasured for its awe-inspiring stratified architecture, which has been spectacularly sculpted over millions of years. Up close, it will blow your mind and take your breath away—and if you've visited recently, it may also violently flush your colon and have you projectile vomiting your granola bars.

That's right—the majestic natural wonder has been the site of a months-long outbreak of gastrointestinal illness, likely caused by norovirus. The virus was confirmed to be the cause of illnesses among at least eight rafting trips. Overall, more than 150 river rafters and backcountry campers have fallen ill since April, according to a recent update from the Grand Canyon National Park Service.

With temperatures soaring above 110 at the National Park, having a stomach full of acidic water is not where you wanna be.

Imagine that. You’re in Vegas for a summer bachelor party and decide to stick around a few extra days to see the sights. Solo trip now. You’re gonna explore on your own timeline without a care in the world. So, you hop on yelp and see that there are a few guides that take day trips out on the river. Nice.

You pack up, head out, and grab some snacks at the gift shop downstairs at the hotel. Nothing crazy. Granola bars, sunflower seeds, and some crackers along with large water. Hydration is paramount when you're dealing with these conditions. 

Fast forward a few hours and you're sitting on the bank of the water's edge and the guide says, "have a little taste of the fresh life. The water here will ground you. It will be like the spirit of the Grand Canyon is flowing inside you."

You lap up a little water like the tiniest puppy alive. 

45 minutes later, you notice that you can swallow. You're taking deep breaths and you say to the guide, Rick, that you need to sit down for a minute. 

"What's that? Hold on for a minute? Take a break? That's not on the schedule for another 10 minutes, my friend. Whoa there, fella. You're looking a little green. What gives?"

The next thing you know you're literally shooting steaming hot diarrhea across the entire canyon with a force that has never been seen. Other people in the group are hooting and you already know that they are mother fuckin hollering too. People are acting like this is a fireworks show. They are screaming "grand finale! Grand finale!" You're in tears but trying to please the people with an arc over the river. "push harder, you pussy" you scream at the top of your lungs. The heat of this diarrhea is like something you've never experienced. 

Gutteral scream after guttural scream, you fight to keep the liquid boiling mustard inside your ass but alas, you cannot. It trickles out like a bubbling brook. Fuck. 

While you lay there in an expanding pool of your own poop, Rick comes over. 

"I noticed you littered sunflower seeds on the trail. That's why I told you to drink the river water. You hurt nature. I hurt you. It's as simple as that."

With a tiny stream of diarrhea seeping from your asshole, you say weakly, "sunflower seeds are biodegradable. You can compost them."

Rick feels fucking terrible. Sunflower shells don't count as litter. 

Damn. 

Be careful out there, folks. It's a hot one.