FUCK YES: The Ninja Warrior Course May Be Added To The 2028 Olympics In Los Angeles (BONUS: The Top 3 Game Show Games That Should Also Be In The Olympics)

Giphy Images.

THR- A gold medal for Ninja Warrior skills? It’s not as far-fetched as you might think. Japanese TV network TBS, creator of the original Ninja Warrior reality competition format, revealed Monday that the show’s signature obstacle course will be tested for possible inclusion in the Los Angeles 2028 Olympic Games. The Ninja Warrior course is under consideration to be added as the new fifth discipline of the Modern Pentathlon, a regular medal sport at the Summer Olympics. 

Oh fuck yeah! Are the 2028 LA Olympics going to be known as the Fun Olympics? Because no offense to the athletes who train their whole lives to compete in sports that are relevant two weeks every four years, but I think the Olympics could use a shot of excitement injected directly into the ass like it's East German athlete in the 80s. 

Throwing javelins, jumping over high bars, and diving into pools were absolute showstoppers back in the day when there were 10 channels. However, all of our brains have been numbed to high hell by unlimited entertainment options on the internet and social media, which requires a little more mmph with those five rings. The opening cermonies always play and I appreciate the inclusion of hand ball, which is a massive hit every Olympics.

Shout out Team Handball for keeping the basement lights on

What's the best way to make people talk about the Olympics now that Bob Ley stopped exposing all the fucked up shit the IOC does on Outside The Lines? Mash some stuff we watch on TV into an Olympic sport and call it a day. Because let's be honest, the Pentathlon is a cool name but the one sport that doesn't belong sticks out like a sore thumb.

Modern Pentathlon previously has consisted of five disciplines: fencing, swimming, equestrian show jumping, laser pistol shooting and running. But the organizers of the sport, the Union Internationale de Pentathlon Moderne (UIPM), announced in May that an obstacle course would be tested as a potential replacement for the riding discipline after the 2024 Paris Olympics.

Running clearly belongs because the most athletic person in everyone's eyes from the first moment you went to school was the fastest kid in your grade. Michael Phelps got a bazillion ad deals because swimming still moves the needle. Laser pistol shooting SOUNDS cool as fuck and fencing is somewhat a combat sport. However I think we can all agree to ditch the equestrian show jumping for the Ninja Warrior course since shit like this is exhilarating when normal athletes do it, let alone when the best athletes on the planet attempt to tackle it as fireballs zoom past their head as they eat shit into a pool.

Also if the IOC is taking suggestions for adding events from competitive TV shows, I'd like to gently suggest adding Assault from American Gladiators, which was the best Gladiators game.

The Double Dare obstacle course, which til this day remains the standard of game show obstacle courses (no offense to the Agro Crag). I'd give anything to see a gold medal come down to if some Olympian can find a red flag in the giant nose.

And most importantly Hall Brawl from The Challenge, which would end in multiple hospitalizations but unbelievable ratings, which I guarantee is a tradeoff the IOC will take every single time.

RIP No Quitters

P.S. The 2028 Olympics being a little more than 5 years away completely fucked my brain up as much as this scene being 6 years ago. 

Fuck the social construct of time as well as that social construct being completely shattered for me over the last couple of years. 1996 will forever be 20 years ago to me.