Surviving Barstool | Ep. 4 Premieres Monday (12/4) at 8PM ETWATCH EP. 1-3 NOW

Elon Musk Challenges His Accuser To Tell The World How Gross His Dick Is


So the big news today is Elon Musk paid a woman $250,000 who said he exposed himself to her. We're not here to talk about those allegations, which Elon has denied left and right. We're also not here to talk politics, which Elon has also said he is left and right. What we are here to talk about is the defense he has chosen to use to deny these allegations. I will give him all the credit- most people would not do what he did...



What the fuck! Oh, did I expose my dick to you? Well then, tell me how warped and gross it is. Boom, Musk'd.

Sure being the world's richest human sounds good and all, but what if that meant your dick looks like it's been through a meat grinder? Is that worth it? What if another woman comes forward and is like "yeah I was gonna fuck him but then I saw his tiny little baby dick covered in warts so I didn't" and Elon has to be like "sigh, it's true". 

Here's the truth of the matter: Once you start telling the world your dick is in shambles, that's all I will ever think of you. Elon is trying to save the world, put us on Mars, and stop climate change, but all I will ever think is his dick looks like a shriveled up snail, possibly with a tattoo. I guess the moral of this story is being a billionaire 200 times over ain't all it's cracked up to be, eh?