Alright Giants Fans, Let's Go Win A Motherfucking Draft

John Minchillo. Shutterstock Images.

For those eagle eyes that somehow know this picture, yes I cropped out John Mara and Steve Tisch out of the photo for this blog we because don't need that type of juju heading into the draft considering those two hired The Man Who Shall Not Be Named that held us hostage for the last four drafts.

Ahhhh shit, why did I just include that mamaluke in this blog? Whatever. It's a new era, so I am choosing to focus on Joe Schoen's handsome face paired with his impeccably tailored suit along with Coach Daboll's peak Football Guyness along with what I'm hoping is a well placed Deez Nuts joke or two to keep things loose in the War Room.

One thing I have said since I started working at Barstool is that I have no clue about scouting or breaking down tape. You show me a YouTube highlight video of a player set to some new hip hop song, I am going to fall in love with that player 1000 times out of 1000. I mean I knew that the Eli Apple pick was a mistake the millisecond his name was said instead of Laremy Tunsil.

But for the most part, I can be talked into any pick. I will definitely listen to the ramblings of the NFL take makers since they know plenty more than I do about some Guard that played in the Mountain West Conference along with any PFF Grade that says a Giants player is good. However, as every draft board has shown us, the NFL Draft is a crapshoot every year and mock drafters always seem to be better at stuff other than forecasting where college players are going to get picked.

Now since I am a football fan, I do have a couple of blind takes based on watching the Giants for as long as I can remember. Based on my very limited knowledge, which is basically a grown child's brain speaking on the matter, I want either Evan Neal or Ikem Ekwonu to bookend with Andrew Thomas for the next decade since the previous front office refused to fully try to fix the offensive line despite talking about it in his stupid Masshole accent every time a fucking microphone was in front of his big dumb face. 

Take a breath Clem. He can't hurt you anymore, outside of the shitty cap situation he left the Giants in

If the Giants are serious about giving Daniel Jones every opportunity to succeed this year, they need to get the O-Line as good as it can possibly be since the weapons should be good with Saquon, Golladay, and Yung Joka returning along with Jason Garrett not calling plays to the sticks for those guys. I lean Neal over Ekwonu because I always blindly lean Alabama over every other college based on the fact they are, yanno, Alafuckingbama. But I'm not going to complain if we get a stud with the nickname Ickey considering I'm old enough to remember when the Ickey Shuffle was the hottest dance on the planet.

I blindly have Charles Cross number 3 on my list just because he has less hype around him after playing in the Air Raid Offense at Mississippi State and the last big move the Giants made involving a guy from Mississippi State had my fat ass running around my house every Sunday in the freezing cold.

The Giants also have a secret weapon making the 5th pick, which is all the positive vibes on the planet.

Since we are at the point where there are Giants fans who have never seen a legit pass rusher on their team except for that season where JPP and Olivier Vernon played together, I would love to add a pass rusher for Wink Martindale to go QB hunting with alongside Azeez Ojuliari, who appears to be on a steady diet of HGH or unborn fetuses at this point.

Is that pass rusher Kayvon Thibodeaux, Travon Walker, or Jermaine Johnson? I have no goddamn clue. But it should be against NFL law for the New York Football Giants to have as bad a stable of pass rushers as they have had since Justin Tuck and JPP left town. I know people say Thibodeaux cares more about crypto than football, Walker's hype is more about what he can do than what he has done (even though he will likely be gone before 5 let alone 7), and Johnson was a late bloomer. However, Johnson being on Last Chance U has skyrocketed him up my Big Board.

You can also convince me that Wink would be able to get pressure on the QB using all the idiots here at Barstool thanks to his blitzing scheme and it's more important to draft someone in the secondary when he sends the motherfucking house. Which is why I'd be thrilled if Sauce Gardner somehow slipped to the Giants since it is impossible to get a nickname like Sauce without being a lock for multiple All Pro teams. 

Of course I'd be thrilled if the Giants traded out of this pick if Sauce, Thibodeaux, and the top 2 tackles are gone considering how often we've heard this draft is kinda weak at the top but deep as a whole. I got a taste of trading back after The Man Who Shall Not Be Named finally did it and I loved it. 

So there is a whole lot of words about me being excited about tonight despite not having a damn clue what's going to happen or what these players will be. But there will definitely be a ton of chaos along with fans dunking on each other as everything unfolds. So make sure to tune into the Barstool En Eff El Draft Show tonight starting at 8 PM ET since this show is legitimately one of my favorite things we do here. Well produced, good bits, and absurd moments that you can only get from the merry band of misfits that work at Barstool along with any athletes/celebrities dumb enough to join us.