I Humbly Present The Most Offensively Accurate Video Of What It's Like Having Young Kids
I don't know if I should be mad at that son of a bitch Joey Langone for posting this, @taylor.hicks.2018 for recording this, or myself for doing #sex a couple of times (nbd) which leads to me knowing just how accurate this video was. But someone needs to pay for bringing this truth bomb to Instagram, which should be home to nothing but thirst traps, shameless podcast promotion, and ads of products I never knew I needed.
When people who just found out they are about to become a parent ask me what it's like to have kids, there is truly no way to explain it. Instead I just put on a 1000 yard stare as my eyes lose all traces of life and tell them there is no way to prepare for it. Like Mike Tyson says, everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth, which your kid will inevitably do to you. That little rascal will also do everything in that video along with shit you didn't know was possible in order to raise pure chaos at all times along with smaller things that will make your blood boil with turns on Kevin Harlan voice NO REGARD FOR HUMAN LIFE AS WE KNOW IT. Just today I asked my 3-year-old to take a nap after bending the knee for everything he asked for during the morning and he kindly replies "Yeahhh, I'm not gonna do that because I don't like naps" with my only reaction being to swallow the ungodly amount of anger that caused in my body, which went right alongside countless anger from other comments/actions by him and his sister over the years that can only be quelled by sitting alone on my recliner with a drink in my hand Yes, this is why your dad did the same thing when you were a kid.
Yet somehow they do jusssssssssst enough to stop you from leaving them on a neighbors doorstep. That may be due to something deep wired into our DNA to ensure the human race continues or the fact they are so damn cute when they are young, which is pretty much a natural defense mechanism. But I can promise you the nonsense you saw in that video happens on a daily occurrence in millions of households every single day and there is nothing you can do about it outside of laughing at them when they bamboozle themselves.
This video will crack me up until my dying day, which will no doubt be significantly sooner thanks to having kids
Obligatory shameless podcast promotion for our very own parenting podcast here at Barstool that you can watch on YouTube with the rest of our Barstool Grown Up content or listen to on your favorite podcasting site/app.