The Sun - RUSSIAN MMA promotion Epic Fighting Championship put on a grotesque intergender bout between a THIRTY-SEVEN STONE man and a petite female fighter this week.
Strawweight [Editor's note: 115 pounds or less] Aleksandra Stepakova was pitted against behemoth Grigory Chistyakov, who tipped the scales at a whopping 240KG [Editor's note: 529 pounds].
Epic FC are no strangers to putting on such mismatches, but MMA fans were left aghast when footage of Stepakova and Chistyakov's clash started doing the rounds on social media.
Stepakova, understandably, struggled to deal with her hulking opponent [but] eventually managed to break free from the shackles of Chistyakov and returned fire with a deluge of punches and kicks.
However, it wasn't long before Chistyakov closed the distance and used every inch of his huge frame to once again smother Stepakova against the fence.
Stepakova was smothered once again in the second but found some brief respite when an audience member ran into the cage and KICKED the blubbery Chistyakov in the back. ...
The fight - if you can call it that - somehow ended up going to the judges' scorecards.
And the cageside officials scored the so-called contest in the favour of the huge Chistyakov.
MMA fans couldn't contain their disgust at the sanctioning of the fight and took to social media to slam the promotion.
One tweeted: "Russian MMA never ceases to shock me. How bizarre this is on all levels."
Another said: "What the f**k is going on with MMA in Russia?!"
Sure, we can all agree that Russian MMA is shocking and bizarre, just on the basis of them sanctioning this one bout alone. But who among us wouldn't watch Aleksandra Stepakova vs Grigory Chistyakov if given the chance?
Not only have human beings been paying money to sit in circles and watch people fight since the earliest days of civilization, it's also deep in our psyche to watch strange mismatches. The stranger the better. The Ancient Romans held venatio, where gladiators fought bears, tigers and hippos. They threw Christians into the arena to fight lions. The Spanish have a long tradition of matadors facing bulls. Ruyard Kipling wrote extensively about mongoose fighting cobras. In more modern times, we've seen Andre the Giant fighting tag teams, Rocky vs. Thunderlips the Ultimate Male, and the Globetrotters vs. the Washington Generals. Crazy mismatches are hardwired into our DNA.
More to the point, there's nothing scandalous going on here. And this is no mismatch. Just watch the way Stepakova fights this behemoth to a standstill. She knows how to use her speed an agility against him. Just as importantly, she's utterly without fear. Looking for an opening in that human Bouncy Castle of flesh. Sometimes losing her fist and foot in his flab as you would if you punched a deployed airbag. But scoring her points with quick hits, retreating to a safe distance and then tacking again. She is as brilliant as she is fierce.
And as such, she is my new queen. Tell me you wouldn't love to date 115 pound woman who has no hesitation to throw fists with some guy literally four times her size and fight him to a standstill, without asking anything from you. Someone who'll protect you from all the hordes of young toughs and bar bullies, and let you just relax with your drink and watch the game with no worries.
If she's indicative of how tough Russian women are - and given the unholy hell they rained down on the Germans all along the Eastern Front in WWII I have no doubt she is - we should want no part of mixing it up with them. I know for sure Aleksandra could kick my ass. And I can't promise I wouldn't fall in love with her as she did. All Hail, Queen.