I had my first true trick or treating as a parent last night. Moved into a real neighborhood, son is a little over 2, so it was time to put him in a Cookie Monster outfit and wander around with some friends and a cold drink. Now I gotta admit, as a dad, Halloween rules. You do zero of the work and get all the candy. Nothing like a little dad tax to sneak the full size bars because you know the kid won't enjoy it or finish it. That said, we got back to the house and I started calling dibs on what I wanted. Dumped out the candy, made sure there was no weed gummies that the news tells me about. You know, just for safety reasons. And then I see this.
One single Swedish Fish. A couple thoughts here. 1) Who the fuck thought it was a good idea to give this out in a candy bowl? 2) Who in the absolute fuck thought it was a great idea to package this? The smallest amount of Swedish Fish in a package should always be at least 15, in the little yellow bag. I try to overthink things here but Halloween is simple if you're giving out candy. Stick with the classics. Crunch, Peanut Butter Cups, Hershey bars, Kit Kat's, Twix, Snickers. All should be full size bars preferably if you can swing it. If not stick with the classic mixed bag fun size ones. Having the option for anyone to take one single Swedish Fish is a federal crime. Not even sure what makes someone think to buy this sort of thing.
Now I know Stoolies come from all walks of life. Some are in high school, some have kids in high school. This is specifically for those that are older. If you just went through your first true trick or treating get at me. I want to make sure I wasn't the only one who actually walked away impressed and thought way better of it than expectations going in. The key is to go with a couple other friends and clearly have a couple drinks for yourself. Put them in the wagon or stroller and you just hang out with the other dads. It's a washed up life, but we get there at some point. Just don't be the single Swedish Fish house.