Boston Dynamics Terrifying Robots are Now Doing Parkour. Be Afraid. Be Very Afraid.

YouTube - Parkour is the perfect sandbox for the Atlas team at Boston Dynamics to experiment with new behaviors. In this video our humanoid robots demonstrate their whole-body athletics, maintaining its balance through a variety of rapidly changing, high-energy activities. Through jumps, balance beams, and vaults, we demonstrate how we push Atlas to its limits to discover the next generation of mobility, perception, and athletic intelligence.

Behold, the object of your destruction. 

The engineering nerds are still at it. Like J. Robert Oppenheimer, blindly following their precious science on the path to our doom. For I am become Boston Dynamics, Destroyer of Worlds. 

It was not enough that they built these monstrosities to walk, run, jump, climb stairs, and dance (which will come in handy when they celebrate on our mass graves), now they're turning them into elite athletes. Robot Ninja Warriors. Teaching them the same moves that our most agile and annoying humans do. 

Once these battle droids become self-aware - and I'm assuming that day hasn't already arrived, but I'm probably just kidding myself - good luck getting away from them after you've spent the last decade living that Stuffed Crust Life and having your food brought to your door. No one will be safe. Nowhere will be safe. We'll have no choice but to surrender and let them render the cholesterol-rich fat from our corpses to grease their gears. 

And since I found out this summer I need to stretch out for a half hour before I play beer league softball, I realize I have no shot of escaping. My best bet is to betray you all to my new robot overlords and make myself useful to them rounding the rest of you up. Boston Dynamics Bots, consider this my job application. All hail, Parkour Robots.