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Giant Land Lobsters, From The Depths Of Hell, That Shoot Acid From Their Tails, Are Overtaking Texas After Record Rainfall

Chron - Rain doesn't just bring floods and flowers. It apparently also awakens creatures that appear to come from the depths of hell. 

Big Bend National Park in Texas shared a photo this week of a visitor near a campsite: A vinegaroon, a sort of ungodly land lobster that can shoot acid from its tail. 

And, apparently, this vinegaroon is on the hunt for "food and love." Aren't we all? 

Vinegaroons are also known as "whip scorpions" and hunt other insects for food. They can also shoot a "well-aimed" spray of 85% acetic acid (or, vinegar, hence the name) from their tails as a defense mechanism. And if they weren't already terrifying enough, they also have large pincers. 

The park said in its post that the summer rains lure vinegaroons from their burrows. 

Luckily, you probably won't see any around Houston. Vinegaroons are most commonly found in west Texas but have been spotted in the Panhandle and in south Texas, according to Texas A&M's Field Guide to Common Texas Insects.

Are we just inventing species of animals straight out of our nightmares now? 

I'm not from Texas but I don't think people from there even knew these existed so I decided to ask. 

My friend Wade. Big real estate guy in Austin. You might have heard him burn the house down at Ego's before.

My second Texan friend needs no introduction, Kayce Smith

Remember that scene in The Hunger Games when the game designer was concocting fucked up creatures to hunt down and kill young children? 

Well, I'm pretty sure that's what we're seeing now in real life. The game designers, controlling the simulation we are all living in, are getting pretty fuckin creative with the sinister creatures they're marching out nowadays. Murder hornets, mosquito tornadoes, now land lobsters that shoot acid. Why not just cut to the chase and let the aliens wipe us out. Spare us the flying great white sharks which are inevitably coming down the pipeline to wreak havoc on us. 

Laugh if you want but one day we're gonna look back on Sharknado and question if Nostradamus was a co-writer on the screenplay.

But back to Texas. Between the scorpions, tarantulas, land lobsters, and who knows what the fuck else is creeping and crawling around down there, I have even more respect for the cowboys working the ranches there. Talk about a tough fucking gig as it is without having to worry about waking up with one of these things laying on top of you.

Giphy Images.

You have my word that if I ever wake up with a land lobster, tarantula, or any other devil creature on my face or body, you have full freedom to go to town on me with a crowbar like Marv. Just end me.