-My favorite human interaction is the “we’re both normal” look with a stranger. It happens when you’re in public and someone is doing or saying something really weird, so you lock eyes with another bystander and give each other the look of “Hello fellow normal person, can you believe what this not normal person is doing?” It’s a beautiful moment.
-I don’t like when people call things “historic” or use the term “history is on the line here.” Everything is historic. History is always on the line. No matter what happens, it becomes history.
-I get off on learning that someone is older than me. I’m 25 and if I hear someone is even just like 27, I think “Wow I have so much more of my life ahead of me than you do.” Even celebrities. Like Zac Efron is 33? What a loser. Hey Zaccy buddy, I have 8 years to get to where you are and eclipse your ass.
-There’s a real “haves and have nots” vibe when it comes to Presidential assassinations. There’s been four and we all know the big two: Lincoln and JFK. We know it was John Wilkes Booth and Lee Harvey Oswald. Lincoln shot at the theatre. JFK in the convertible. But I bet some people don’t even know the names of the other two: James Garfield and William McKinley. We don’t know the names of the assassins. How it happened. Nothing. Imagine being a president and getting murdered, or vice versa, murdering the president, and people just forget about it? Tough.
-I’m one of the more inept humans on this plant. I can’t tie my own shoes. I’ve never driven on a highway. Sometimes I call my mom to see how long things get microwaved for. But I’m here to tell everyone that grilling is the easiest thing I’ve ever done. Don’t let grilling culture intimidate you. You just throw stuff on the grill and flip it. Some salt. Some pepper. Some butter. That’s it. Give it a shot and you can become a GrillMaster just like me.
-My roommates and I have recently started fostering a dog and I told myself I wouldn't get too attached since it’s only for a few weeks. But after about 10 minutes with her, I have decided I would lay down my life and die for this dog.
Thank you for your time.