Psssst Hey Giants Fans, I Took A Look At The List Of Bears Opponents For Next Season And It Is BRUTAL

GETTLEFINGERRRRRRRRR!!! Just as my erection from watching Kadarius Toney's superhuman highlights was winding down, ensuring I wouldn't have to consult a medical professional, my guy bshan23 of the Daniel Jones Hype Group sends a list of the Bears opponents next season and has me back to midnight dreaming of where their 2022 first round pick that the GMen acquired last night may end up.

I was just as bummed as everyone else when the Eagles and Cowboys conspired to place DeVonta Smith in Philly instead of East Rutherford. But it's hard to get upset when a team with a rookie and Andy Dalton battling for QB1 along with what appears to be a brutal schedule gives you what could become a Top 10 pick a year later while also getting the next receiver on your Big Board that can do this.

Now clearly it's impossible to figure out how good any team is going to be week in and week out in the National. Football. League. and the usual hodge podge of injuries, suspensions, and whatever chaos a typical NFL season has in store for the lunatics that play professional football can completely change everything in an instant. But holy fuck that list of opponents looks bruuuuuuutal on virtual paper. You know how I know that? Because the Giants pretty much played the same schedule out of division schedule last year with the NFC West and AFC North that had five playoff teams and the three non-playoff teams either made the Super Bowl the year before or had one of the last two number 1 picks playing QB for them.

- The Lions games don't look bad until you remember that this sick motherfucker is calling the shots now which means even if the Bears don't lose the game, they will lose multiple knee caps.

- The easiest matchups could be the Packers games if Aaron Rodgers forces his way out of town and Jordan Love is in comically over his head. There is also a chance that Rodgers doesn't get traded, which means the Bears will be facing their personal boogeyman twice a year yet again.

- The Giants are going to be a playoff team and it will be a revenge game for Saquon's ACL, so that's an L for da Bears.

- Even the Raiders game isn't going to be easy because it'll either take place in the first half of the season when they are good or the second half of the season when Vegas will be in FULL swing, which is the perfect trap for a bunch of pro athletes that had to spend time in quarantine over the last year.

To be clear, I love the Barstool Chicago guys and truly hope that Justin Fields becomes the QB they have been waiting for foreverrrrrr as he puts up 300+ yards and 4+ TDs in every game that ends in a loss. Seeing my Ziti and BEC brother Eddie celebrate a BEC win followed by the Justin Fields trade warms my soul.

But as every Knicks fan knows, rooting for a young team that's getting better is fun. But rooting for a young team that's getting better AND rooting against another team because you have their first round pick is even more fun. As long as Justin Fields isn't the Luka of the NFL his rookie year, this trade and that pick can go from a nice win for the G-Men to a massive W considering the value laid about by NJ.com

In terms of Jimmy Johnson’s trade value chart that assigns points to each draft pick, the Giants, clearly came out on top. The Giants sent out just the 11th pick, worth 1,250 points. The Bears traded the 20th pick (850 points) and 164th pick (26 points). They also traded their 2022 first-round pick (value anywhere from 590 to 6,000 points) and 2022 fourth-round pick (Value: 45-116).

Again, I wish nothing but happiness to Bears fans with their new QB1 after this season is over. #BearsDown