The Worst Situations To Be In At A Friend's House Growing Up

Never failed. The group or just your lone buddy whose house you were at were passed out asleep. It's 3:30 a.m. and it seems every commercial or show that comes on the TV is powered by an EDM concert. The lights flash everywhere virtually making it impossible to keep your eyes closed plus everyone knows that the commercials that air after midnight are all 2.5x louder than the normal hours of airing. 

"Why not just press the power button?" you're asking. It was never that easy. First came the scramble to find the remote crammed between a couple couch cushions or underneath a sleeping bag. After the relief of finally finding the remote (no it's not called a clicker or channel-changer) comes even more frustration. Inevitably you'd press the red power button only for nothing to happen. Then you try the top left "remote" button then "power". Still nothing. OK how about "TV" then "power". From there it would turn whatever Nick At Nite show you were watching to just a blue screen. 

So sound is taken care of, but now to get rid of the bright, powerful, un-welcomed night light beaming from the screen. You smash the power button a few more times before finally saying 'fuck it i'll just go manually turn it off like it's 1962.' Until WHOOPS in the darkness and you're half asleep state you accidentally hit input and the sound blares once again back into Billy Mays (RIP) screaming during an infomercial. 

That's only at night trying to turn it off - a task you'd expect to be so simple. What's even worse was when a friend would go hop in the shower, or the once in a blue moon time when your buddy would have to go to baseball practice for like an hour and a half so you'd just stay at the crib until they came back. 

Trying to figure out how to turn the tv on, get it on the proper input, figure out which remote (because there was always two or three for some reason?) worked for channels / volume was the pinnacle of frustration as a 12-year-old. I'm just trying to watch some Family Guy. 

Clogging The Toilet

To be fair clogging the toilet at anyone's house at any age is not the greatest spot to be in just think of Along Came Polly, but it's even worse when you're 11 years old and you know there's a possibility your buddies could make fun of you about it in front of your 6th grade crush - not to mention you have to go tell Mrs. Cox. 

There's the awkward tension of "ohhh don't worry about it. happens all the time. Especially in this house" while the dad makes a joke about how big his shits are. Huge relief whenever the rising water decides to be on your side and circulate it's way back down the porcelain throne. 

Friend Bullies Sibling

Duuuuude c'mon. Stop trying to show off, we don't care that your little brother is hanging around for a bit. You didn't have to bodyslam him until he cries. Mrs. Baker screams at your buddy before she drops the "wait until dad gets home" line. Then dad does get home and you have to sit there while your friend's dad pissed off from a long day at work verbally belittles your buddy while you have to sit there uncomfortably. You can't help but feel like it's somehow your fault, too. 

Being Too Loud At 2 AM

You can handle the last one for the most part because you weren't actually a part of the shenanigans that caused the situation. This time it's mostly directly your fault along with the other friend that you know his mom doesn't like. You're young, you're slaphappy, you've had one too many mini mountain dews from your pal's STACKED garage fridge. The screaming gets a few octaves too loud and while you're trying to grab a late-night snack the laughs just can't be contained. Out comes Mr. Grande. He's beyond pissed. 

The man never gets any sleep during the week so the least he can expect is to come home on a Friday night and get a good night's rest after a long week on the job until he realizes the Mrs. said Joey and Johnny can stay the night. He is not playing around either. Comes out in the hanes whitey tighties not giving a FUCK. The fun ends real quickly after that until he slowly turns around and heads back to the bedroom just in time for you both to sprint down the stairs to the basement. Your friend gets shitty at you on top of that because he knows he's going to get an earful about it once you guys leave even though he wasn't a part of it. Double whammy. 

Getting Caught Sneaking Out

"Please for the love of God DON'T tell MY parents" you pray while you're being lectured by both mom and dad in the living room. This one edges on "kid". 12-13 is when I started trying to sneak out with my buddies at certain places. Girls who lived in the same neighborhood / just the 'thrill' of being outside of the house at night felt liberating. 

"I don't know what to do about this" the mom says with the most disappointed look on her face. "You guys have broken our trust…and I'm going to have to think about the punishment." 

Fuck. The disappointment. The "trust" line. "Punishment"?. Screwed. All to just walk around in the street and have the girls back out. 

Wanting To Leave In The Middle of The Night

Friend was always asleep. This is before the times of every kid over the age of 9 having some sort of phone / mobile device to be able to contact their parents whenever. These are the days of either A.) waking up your friend or B.) knocking on his parent's door to wake them up. My god so uncomfortable. The dad never got up, but the mom would and you kinda felt weird seeing her in her pajamas. She'd ask what was wrong and you had to fake that your stomach was hurting and you felt sick. She knew it was bullshit, but it was worth it to be able to be home and comfortable. 

Getting Caught Looking At Porn

This situation rarely if ever happened live and in-person from my experience. It was always a day or two after. Your caller ID would show up on a Sunday or Monday from the dude's house you stayed at a couple night's before so you knew it probably wasn't him calling just to chat. Nah. The parents either got the charge for Girls Gone Wild on TV, CatHouse on HBO, or likely especially in 2006 they all used the same home computer. The one that your buddy pulled up a host of different porn sites / pictures of Pamela Anderson at 2 a.m. Whoops.