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They Said, "Try New Things, It'll Keep You Young". I'm Not Sure This Is What They Had In Mind...

I've never been one to embrace change, but in my lifetime there've been many times I had no other choice. I went from vinyl to eight tracks to cassettes to CDs. I went from carburetors and distributors to fuel injection and turbos. I've tried some new foods, but I really stick to my basics, pizza, pasta, cheeseburgers, and anything chicken. I've been accused of being old, boring, and mostly by my kids who would like nothing more than to watch me eat kale, Korean food, sushi, and then wash it down with flavored, seasonal beers... Three words. Not. Gonna. Happen! I just recently stopped tucking in my shirts, isn't that enough?

Okay, I can't argue with those who say I'm dead set in my ways. But, I have made one change that surprised even me... As a kid, I drank beer. Then I started on mixed drinks. Then, in the mid-'70s I was all about "burnin' a fatty" and wetting my whistle with my liquid spirits of choice. I stopped all that when I turned 40 and embarked upon my mid-life crisis, which involved riding road bicycles and competing in races. I did okay for about 10 years, and then I realized I wasn't as good as I once was and occasionally I broke training to tie one on. Nothing crazy, frozen mudslides mixed with a heavy hand does the trick for me now.

Women treat their friends so much better than guys do…

It was a little over a week ago that my wife's friends gave her a gift bag full of edibles, and we're not talking fruit…  I really have to be careful, because, although I'm highly resistant to change, I also have an incredibly addictive personality and it can and has, gotten me in a lot of trouble in the past. I was curious about the edibles and I could hardly wait to give 'em a try…

I can't remember getting any directions when I bought weed back in the '70s

I broke off a small square of chocolate that was part of a larger square that came in a small package labeled "Pastry". The back of the package warned to "start slow, let the chocolate dissolve in your mouth as long as possible" and finished with "allow 1-2 hours before effects are felt".  I put the single square under my tongue and let it melt slowly. After an hour passed nothing noticeable happened and I was beginning to think that the edibles couldn't compete with the "fatties" I burned during my youth… 

When I was young and impressionable, I was totally influenced by this book…

In 1974, I tried Peyote (Mescalito) hoping I would experience the "ancient visions" I read about in a book by Carlos Casteneda, "The Teachings of Don Juan: A Yaqui Way of Knowledge". I wanted to "springboard into new horizons of cognition" and considered the possibility of turning into a blackbird if I did it right. But after an hour nothing happened. That's when I decided to "burn a fatty" and just relax and wait. And, when it finally kicked in, I had some incredible fucking visions, mind-blowing in fact. Fortunately, I didn't change species. I don't think I would've done well as a blackbird… It was a one-time try and I'll never forget it… (No, I never did LSD!)

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Breathe, breathe in the air…

While waiting for the effects of the edibles to kick in, I was talking with my wife when all of a sudden she started smiling and said "You're high as a kite". I thought about it and she was right, I was free of anxiety and inhibition and I was feeling pretty damn good. I wasn't in the mood for psychedelic music or ready to go house on an 8-pack of "Little Debbie Chocolate Cupcakes", but I was very happy with the result. Maybe you can "teach an old dog new tricks"

I'm gonna have to speak to Davey Day Trader to see where I can buy some stock in edibles. I'm sure edibles' stock is like every other stock, "buy low, sell high!"… Did I just say that???

As far as the threesome? Still at the top of my bucket list…