Cinnamon Toast Crunch Has Handled The Shrimp/Rat Poop Fiasco About As Poorly Yet Hilariously As Possible

If you were working hard or taking care of a child or generally just don't live your life reading the internet, you can catch up on the biggest story of the day by clicking the link above. Basically, Jensen Karp who is Topanga's husband in real life found shrimp tails, string, and mouse poop in his box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch. From there, the fine folks at CTC and General Mills have put on an epic display of how to handle something what should be a PR nightmare without giving a single fuck. It's actually incredible how little they care about this. It's been trending all day, and Cinnamon Toast Crunch is so cocky that they have basically told Jensen to go fuck himself 9 different ways. It starts from the beginning when they told him they investigated it (I'm laughing out loud, they really told him that) and it is just some sugar.

Just some fucking guy like "yep, those shrimp tails are clearly just sugar", which is one of the funniest things I've ever read. I mean they sent him this and they said "nope, that's normal".

So then they said "ok, ok, why don't you MAIL US THE SHRIMP so we can take a closer look"

"Just toss that shrimp in this envelope" is what they landed on. I love it.

But it wasn't just shrimp, as we know. It was also…poop. Baked in poop. And scattered other poop.

I just got queazy embedding those tweets into this blog. 

So then CTC finally gets back to him and says hey, remember about mailing it to us, just give us a THREE HOUR WINDOW and we'll have a guy come pick it up.

Amazing. Making him sit at home so a FedEx guy can come pick up his shit infested cereal. I'd be losing my fucking mind at this point.

So then CTC finally did make a statement where they said "not our fault!"

If you weren't losing your mind before, you have to be now. "We are waiting for the consumer to send us the package" would drive me up the fucking wall. I'm getting mad just thinking about it.

And now it's a god damn science fair.

So if you didn't think they would continue handling this like they gave a 4th grader the keys to a car and said go drive down the highway, you would be dead wrong.

They had their SOCIAL MEDIA SPECIALIST reach out and say "go down to the police station and give them the poop shrimp". It'd be like if there was an issue at Barstool and we had that moron Josh handle it. Could not think of a worse person to put in control of a situation, but that's what General Mills landed on. And Jensen's reply was spot-on:

And he then gave solid life lessons:

He's doing a great job of keeping his cool (online at least, I have to assume he's at least broken one household item or chair), and he's 100% correct in everything he's said. This was a national story today, and they had "Oatmeal is bae" reaching out to him. He has to be the most frustrated person alive, and keep in mind, HE ATE A BOWL OF THIS. HE ATE POOP!

This is one of the more fascinating sagas that I've blogged in my time on the internet. What makes it better is 1) he's married to Topanga, and 2) Rone was in his wedding. And all the while, CTC and General Mills are just coolin. They don't seem to care at all. It's just accumulated sugar! 

I cannot wait to see what happens next. What a story. And as for CTC, I mean, you make such a good cereal and 1 person ends up eating rat poop, what can ya do? It happens. On to the next bowl.