Ohio Authorities Have Seized 44 Pounds ($2.8 Million) Of Cocaine Coated Corn Flakes

Corn flakes? Sounds more like Frosted Flakes to me. But anyways, these will definitely make you a morning person. Wake you up better than a pot of black coffee, that's for sure. Instead, pour yourself a nice 8-bowl and you'll be rearing to go for work. That's what we in the industry like to a call a Breakfast of Champions.

And honestly, I don't get why the feds are so up in arms about this. Illegal? Corn flakes are TERRIBLE. You need to do something to make them even edible. I wouldn't touch a bowl of plain corn flakes with a 10 foot spoon, but you sprinkle a little cocaine or maybe some sugar on them, and that's a completely different story.

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So let's quit worrying about this measly $2.8 million of coke and start trying to get the big fish in the operation: whoever thinks it's okay to still make plain corn flakes. That was probably the biggest tip off to the feds in the entire situation….who ships corn flakes? Dead giveaway that something nefarious was going on. If I were on border patrol, I'd crack open every box of corn flakes, Kix, or shredded wheat that I saw. No one is actually sending that to someone else.

According to Border Control officers at the Port of Cincinnati, the cereal shipment originated from South America and was on its way to Hong Kong. The agency says the amount of cocaine found could have a street value of up to $2,822,400.

Well, let's give credit where credit is due. You have to your cap to the state of Ohio on this one. This is next level drug trafficking right here. This isn't like writing the test answers on your arm and rolling up your sleeves; this is the equivalent of writing test answers on the inside of your water bottle label and drinking it during the exam to reveal the formulas. This is a smooth operation, and we sniffed it out right away.

I will say this though: did I read that right that this "cereal" was shipping from South American to Hong Kong? I'm just a part-time blogger and full-time middle school Language Arts teacher, but if the border patrol is looking for a logistics manager I think I could find a couple hours in my schedule to fix this thing up. Pay me half of whatever bag you're giving the current guy, and I'll cut your costs in one day. How in the hell does the route from South America to Hong Kong run through Cincinnati, Ohio? Perhaps the wildest part of the this entire story.