Did Belichick Send His Minions to Houston to Destroy the Texans from Within? Barstool Investigates
I would love to come here this morning and tell you that JJ Watt is about to sign with New England. In fact, I would love nothing more than to live in that reality. And if this were say, 2016, with a happy Tom Brady merrily throwing passes to his closest, bestest buddies on the way to another championship, without a doubt I'd be cueing the Belichick Entrance Walk GIF and declaring it's about to happen.
I'd love to. But I can't. I value your trust too much to violate it now with some irresponsible pipe dream.
I hope I'm wrong, but I just don't think that's our reality right now. I can't go back on the worst case scenario hypothetical I spelled out earlier this week:
New England has been an attractive place for veterans committed to winning and chasing a ring late in their careers. Chris Long being a prime example, famously telling his agent "I don't care if I play for five bucks; get me to New England." And Belichick has reportedly put fear into the cold, tiny hearts of agents, with a negotiation style that consists of him simply telling them, "If your guy wants to win, he'll sign here. If not, we'll find somebody else." That's a great pitch when you go to the conference title game every year and win multiple rings. But it's not much of a selling point when they guys they most wanted to play with just won a ring without you. When success, happiness, fun and great weather are options, it's fair to ask how many recruits will be drawn to your program when you're promising them "No Days Off" and outdoor practices in the middle of December?
I'm not saying it's impossible the Pats figure out a way to sign JJ Watt. They have as much money to spend as practically anybody. The defense was Top 10 last year, despite leading the league in opt outs and an offense that couldn't put sustained drives together all season. I just think that at this point in Watt's career, it's not likely that his major motivations are money and being on a statistically impressive defensive unit. Otherwise he would've stayed in Houston. We have to assume he's chasing a ring. And the sad situation we find ourselves in is that more than half the teams in the league have a much shorter chase.
So instead, I'll beg the question: Why in the hell would one of the best defenders of his generation - a guy with 101.0 sacks, 172 TFLs, 25 FFs, 61 PDs (and if feels like 1,000 or so balls batted down at the line) - in just 128 career games manage to get himself released out of nowhere at the age of 31? It's pretty obvious that, like it is with Deshaun Watson demanding a trade, all because of this guy:
Jack Easterby strikes again. The bulb-headed, disingenuous dork with a BA in Theology who somehow managed to leverage a job counseling players and leading team prayers in Foxboro into becoming one of just 32 people on the planet who run an NFL franchise. Who in just two years has accomplished this:
With franchise quarterback Watson soon to follow.
And the conspiracy theorist in me can't help but notice how the utter decimation of this once proud franchise began. With Belichick. The Dark Lord of the Sith.
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Bill O'Brien was just another nondescript, undistinguished college coaching lifer when Belichick hired him out of Duke in 2007 in 2007 to be an assistant on the most prolific offense of all time. By 2010, he was the QB coach the year Tom Brady became the first unanimous NFL MVP. The season after, he was the coordinator of a Super Bowl team. That got him the job of cleaning up a scandal-ridden Penn State team before he was hired to run the Texans, with Belichick's recommendation.
After a few years, O'Brien hires Easterby. Like the ambitious, scheming, High Sparrow-like man of God that he is, Easterby tries, and fails to hire Nick Caserio away from New England. Then just a month into last season, he fires O'Brien and seizes control. Then succeeds in hiring Caserio.
The result? Chaos and ruin. The cornerstones of the Texans fleeing for the exits, with no end in sight.
You think all this just happened by itself?
Cause. Effect.
Like he's done so many times before to so many other franchises, Belichick played the Long Con. He sent in his former underlings to act as sleeper agents. To plant the seeds of anarchy and then reap what they sewed. Romeo Crennel in Cleveland and then Kansas City. Scott Pioli as the GM in KC. Eric Mangini with the Jets and then Cleveland. Josh McDaniels in Denver. Thomas Dimitroff as the GM in Atlanta. The list goes on. The missions of Mike Vrabel in Tennessee and Brian Flores in Miami are not yet complete. But when they get the signal, they too will push the destruct button and leave those franchises in rubble. And like Matt Patricia in Detroit, then return to the fold and await their next assignment.
It's the most logical explanation. Because even a team chaplain can't be this bad at his job. I just hope next time Easterby and Caserio force a great player to want to leave, they trade him to New England for a 7th rounder or something.