Dude Laying On His Girlfriend's Lap On The L Train

Gothamist – “I saw this jubilant couple on the L train [around 9:30 p.m.] heading toward Williamsburg from 1st ave. I don’t know, do what you want with this, we’re all going to die alone anyway.”

Theres one person and one person only thats allowed to lay down on the subway benches. And “allowed” isnt really even the word. Its more like “theres nothing you can fucking do about it.” And thats the homeless junkie derelict who’s basically unconscious laying down. That guy is basically just laying there like “Say something. I dare you.” Ready to prick you with an AIDS needle or spit on your face or something. But Jason Biggs and his girlfriend here? Thats a whole different ballgame. First of all your gratuitous PDA is nauseating. Wanting to lay on your girlfriend and snuggle up on the subway is just gross. Secondly laying there taking up like 2 more seats with your dirty Asics in everyone’s face is just bullshit. There are simple rules to follow on the subway. SIMPLE GODDAM RULES. Sit in one seat or stand straight up and down taking up as little space as possible (i.e. no backpacks, bikes, etc) in pure silence until your train arrives at your stop, and get the fuck off. Thats it. All you need to do. Christ almighty why cant people figure this out? Subway has been around for like 120 years. People still being assholes.

Makes you wonder if back in like 1905 there was assholes on the subway carrying like a phonograph and one of those bikes with the GIGANTIC front wheel and people were like “Fuck this chap!”