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Cam Newton's Morning Routine Makes Absolutely Zero Sense

Alright, this just really irked me and I have several things I need to say about it. This is the classic example of someone trying way too hard to be a Football Guy and actually just being very dumb.

I get that being an NFL quarterback is an incredibly demanding job. It requires an unbelievable amount of preparation every day to be able to perform for three hours on Sunday. But there is no reason to be getting up at 4:20 a.m. I'm convinced football players and coaches do this for the same reason they refuse to wear long sleeves when playing in sub-zero temperatures and snow: some misguided attempt at toughness.

And sure, this is coming from somebody who has zero firsthand knowledge of the subject matter, but I'm pretty sure sleep is a pretty big component of being a professional athlete as well. I want to see what Cam Newton is doing from 4:30 to 6:30 in the morning that necessitates being up at all.

But then we get to the real crux of the nonsense here, which is the coffee after having been up for three and a half hours. What in the world is it even doing at that point? If you've made it from 4:30 to 8:00, you no longer need coffee. You're up. As someone who recently became a full-time coffee drinker — mostly just because I like being seen with a Starbucks cup in the morning because it makes me feel like an adult — I disavow Cam Newton on behalf of all coffee addicts.

I'm not going to say the Patriots missed the playoffs for the first time since 2008 because of their quarterback's illogical morning routine, but I'm not going to say that didn't contribute, either.