[Editor's Note: Why yes, this blog is being published to both promote Cyber Monday at Barstool - CLICK HERE FOR 20% OFF - and shamelessly post yet another thumbnail of whatever is growing on that abomination's face. Carry on.]
Brandon Walker. White Sox Dave. Kate. Balls. All enter an Escape Room this evening. None may survive. Why? Because of one reason and one reason only:
This Missing Link is going to drive everyone to the point of no return, specifically Brandon Fucking Walker. And no, I don't think BFW has an anger issue, but he's going to have a WSD problem, which leads to all sorts of pure insanity and rage. Something will happen which will be the point of no return for the group, and David Williams will be the catalyst for the Escape Room Apocalypse. Will Dave botch the entire thing and lock them inside forever? Will he do something worse like accidentally solve the Escape Room in the first 5 minutes and ruin an entire night's worth of content (actually plausible)? Will WSD's beard grow past his eyeballs and devour every organism in the room? Something will happen. It has to. Just look at this incompetence doing simple tasks in gameplay a 4-year-old would dominate:
WSD is a loyal Mutt, for sure, but he still needs to be housebroken. Brandon F. Walker when faced with adversity is not the coolest of cucumbers, and I'm not too sure how he's going to handle himself when the puppy takes a piss on the kitchen floor. Hopefully it's better than his efforts when he hopped on the sticks (still miss BFW playing regularly before he got cool aka busy as shit):
Then you have Balls being Balls, in which after hours of being caged like an animal with those two and zero access to My Hero and/or a Billy Joel playlist, ain't gonna be pretty.
May God have mercy on the beloved Kate. Be sure to tune in tonight for what is sure to be a massacre.
PS - Live now