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Are You A Sad, Lonely, Pathetic Loser? Well I've Got The Gift For You...A Robot That Holds Your Hand Like A Girlfriend

At a primary look, the Strolling Bride would possibly seem to be only a hand-shaped piece of silicone, however it’s really a reasonably refined piece of equipment. A particular rail, mounted across the Bride’s elbow, is designed to imitate push and pull motions, simulating the burden of an individual that might be connected to an actual hand.

The machine’s smooth skin-like exterior maintains the temperature of a human physique, with synthetic pores expressing liquid to create synthetic sweat.

The pretend girlfriend may even be paired with a smartphone app that performs the sound of a lady’s footsteps. It’s also scented with a particular fragrance mixture of cleaning soap and cosmetics, designed to mimic the odor of an actual lady’s pores and skin.

'Tis the season! This is the toughest stretch of the calendar for single people. Thanksgiving, followed by Christmas, followed by a New Years kiss, followed by Valentine's Day. There will be a ton of instagrams with captions that say things like "thankful for this one" and "2020 was terrible, but it brought me to you". All of that will be happening in your face as you were ho ho hoe-ing around hinge for a date to walk around the Zoo Lights and watch "Love Actually" and "The Holiday". Now, the geniuses over in Japan are trying to comfort you with a synthetic girlfriend hand! Which is, of course, a TERRIBLE idea. 

Holding hands stinks. I don't know why girls love it so much. You got on a walk with your dog and one hand will be holding the leash and your other hand is leashed to your significant other. Maybe I am alone on this, but I hate holding hands while walking. Can't reach my phone, the inter-locking fingers, the height difference, the inability to be able to walk at whatever pace you want. It's an anchor disguised as affection is what it is. These Japanese engineers went so far as to making it fake sweat which is fucking gross. I don't want to feel a sweaty palm. I mean you might as well go all the way and get audio of a generic woman complaining about how someone was rude to her at work or complaining about her friend who acts like she is better than everyone since she got engaged. Pass. And you know what...I think everyone knows what this thing is going to turn into. 

It's a malleable synthetic hand, that let's out a liquid/lubricant. It's only a matter of time until this sad lonely guy holding hands with a robot comes home and turns into a sad, lonely, horny guy, who goes from interlocking fingers to changing the grip to fit around his dick. It's a jerk off machine. Nothing more, nothing less. These guys invented a fleshlight but for HJs only. So now you're on a perpetual second date with your "girl" every time you get home from a walk. This company should just come out and say that because that's the only way to boost sales.