So Those Red Eyes You Get From Swimming In The Pool Isn't From Chlorine...It's From Piss

TODAY – It’s urine mixing with the chemicals. “When we go swimming and we complain that our eyes are red, it’s because swimmers have peed in the water,” Michele Hlavsa, chief of the Center for Disease Control and Prevention’s healthy swimming program told TODAY. “The nitrogen in the urine combines with the chlorine and it forms what’s known as chloramine and it’s actually chloramine that causes the red eyes. It’s chlorine mixed with poop and sweat and a lot of other things we bring into the water with us.” In fact, Hlavsa said, the stronger the chlorine smell at a pool, the more filled with pee it is. Healthy pools don’t smell like chemicals. It’s not chlorine’s job to clean pee from a swimming pool. Its plate is full with E. coli and other germs. Once people start adding pee, poop, sweat, and dirt to the equation, it starts to try to tackle those instead, leaving it with little energy for anything else, said Hlavsa. “I just don’t think this is on people’s radars,” she said. “People think waterborne disease is something that happens outside the United States. But really, we have plenty of them here.” The recent CDC healthy swimming report found that one in five public wading or kiddie pools are closed because of violations, including improper PH levels, safety and disinfectant concentration. The CDC collected inspection data from five states in 2013 — the most recent year available — with the most public pools and hot tubs: Arizona, California, Florida, New York and Texas). Most inspections resulted in at least one violation.

That’s it. I’m sorry, I can’t hold my thoughts in any longer and I don’t care how many times this has been blogged before. People need to be reminded again, and again, and again. If you’re above the age of five and still willingly piss in the pool you need to re-evaluate your life. I know I’m probably in the drastic minority, but I don’t care. I’ll be part of the 300 fighting the Persians as this is a cause I believe in. Pissing in the pool when other people are in there is downright one of the most disgusting, slap in the face things you can do in today’s society. Have some integrity, people.

Now, there are some exceptions to the rule. If you step into a public pool/fountain you’re a savage already and have accepted that the least toxic liquid you’re coming into contact with is urine. Spring Break pool bars, too. You can’t even stand by those swamps at night when it was closed because the fumes from the chemicals cleaning it were more potent than the liquid on Darren Sharper’s bar napkin. If you go underwater with goggles during the day in that wasteland you’ll end up feeling worse than Radioactive Man in a tsunami of toxic waste. The ocean is a whole other ballgame, as well. Pissing in that vast desert is not only acceptable, but encouraged. What are you supposed to get out and walk all the way across the beach to find a receptacle? That’s borderline batshit. As long as I’m not down current you can almost drop heat and let the riptide carry it out to sea.

But what are the legitimate reasons for the people who are not required to wear floaties* that willingly pee in the pool? There is no excuse. It’s either you’re lazy or an asshole. In most cases it’s both. Because screw getting out to travel the 5 ft to the nearest bush to relieve yourself. It’s much better for someone to be swimming underwater and suddenly get a heatwave to the face via a Golden Shower. And don’t give me this “Oh I only pee in one spot in the shallow end near the filter” happy horsecrap. It’s not like the water is stationary and as soon as some little shit decides to make a wave/whirl pool you’ve essentially peed directly in everyone’s mouths. If you have a prostate problem that bad or the dreaded “Uromysotis“, sorry but your swimming privileges may need to be revoked.

Just because Michael Phelps says everyone pees in the pool doesn’t make it cool. After years of exposure, have you seen what that piss water has done to his face? The guy probably was born with the looks of an Adonis but pissing in the pool added a chromosome to his looks department. I would say drinking pool pee for years is what caused Ryan Lochte to have the IQ of a mentally challenged hamster but that would be an insult to all retarded rodents.

*If it were socially acceptable I 100% would still wear floaties in the pool. Actually, screw social acceptance. May have to whip out the Superman floaties come the 4th and see if they still fit. Instant boss of the beach.