If You’re Older Than 4 And Still Willingly Piss In The Pool You Need To Evaluate Your Life

pee

Nate wrote on this topic a couple weeks ago and Big Cat did again today with both encouraging public urination while swimming. I can’t hold my thoughts in any longer. I know I’m probably in the drastic minority, but I don’t care. Will be part of the 300 fighting the Spartians (edit: Persians. Bite me.) as this is a cause I believe in. Pissing in the pool when other people are in there is downright one of the most disgusting, slap in the face things you can do in today’s society. Have some integrity, people.

Now, there are some exceptions to the rule. If you step into a public pool/fountain you’re a savage already and accept the least toxic liquid you’re coming into contact with is urine. Spring Break pool bars, too. Couldn’t even stand by those swamps at night when it was closed because the fumes from the chemicals cleaning it were more potent than the liquid on Darren Sharper’s bar napkin. If you go underwater with goggles during the day in that wasteland you’ll end up feeling worse than Radioactive Man in a tsunami of toxic waste. Ocean is a whole other ballgame, as well. Pissing in that vast desert is not only acceptable, but encouraged. What are you supposed to get out and walk all the way across the beach to find a receptacle? Borderline batshit. As long as I’m not down current you can borderline drop heat and let the riptide carry it out to sea.

But what are the legitimate reasons for the people who are not required to wear floaties* that willingly pee in the pool? There is no excuse. It’s either you’re lazy or an asshole. In most cases it’s both. Because screw getting out to travel the 5 ft to the nearest bush to relieve yourself. It’s much better for someone to be swimming underwater and suddenly get a heatwave to the face via a Golden Shower. And don’t give me this “Oh I only pee in one spot in the shallow end near the filter” happy horsecrap. Not like the water is stationary and as soon as some little shit decides to make a wave/whirl pool you’ve essentially peed directly in everyone’s mouths. If you have a prostate problem that bad or the dreaded “Uromysotis“, sorry but your swimming privileges have been revoked.

Just because Michael Phelps says everyone pees in the pool doesn’t make it cool. After years of exposure, have you seen what that piss water has done to his face? Guy probably was born with the looks of an Adonis but pissing in the pool added a chromosome to his looks department. I would say drinking pool pee for years is what caused Ryan Lochte to have the IQ of a mentally challenged hamster but that would be an insult to all retarded rodents.

Decide for yourself. Either you’re barbaric and proud or have passed the first of 1000 tests to be given a right to reproduce:

Vote 1 for I Have Never Been In A Pool I Haven’t Peed In And I Don’t Plan On Stopping and 10 for I Have Evolved To The Point To Where I Will Not Willingly Piss In Other People’s Faces:

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*If it were socially acceptable I 100% would still wear floaties in the pool. Actually, screw social acceptance. May have to whip out the Superman floaties come Memorial Day and see if the still fit. Instant boss of the beach.

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