Barstool Sports

If you're hot and you roll with Kacie and you're within a 500 mile radius of me I'll smoke you on Barstool New York

Am I the only person who thinks this is fucking insane? The Wild Card winner gets games 1 and 2 at home?? Am I reading this wrong?

"Its cream in your jeans"

"You don't see me going down to mothefuckin Wall Street pickin up a fuckin briefcase trying to type, do you? No. Because thats not what the fuck I do. I beat the fuck out of people."

Oh like if your boyfriend wasn't playing Diablo you'd be sucking his dick begging for him to fuck you? For sure not.

How are you supposed to defend yourself when somebody says you blew a dead guy? If someone just came out tomorrow and said one night John Candy was sleeping in his home and woke up to find KFC sucking his dick, what the fuck do I do? Everyone would think I sucked John Candy's dick.

Lawrence Taylor's Super Bowl XXV ring - 16 diamonds representing each of the Giants victories that season. 1.5 total karats. Has been inside the asshole and/or vagina of nearly 5,000 strippers and prostitutes. May or may not have been inside under age girls as well. The mystery adds to the allure.

Not every day in Manhattan is a page from a Sex and the City script. 80% of all chicks in New York are girls from Westchester/Upstate, Long Island, or NJ/CT. The commute from home, eventually move to the city, slut it up for a couple years, and then desperately search for a boyfriend. List over.

You know how many Rangers and Devils fans are gonna be crammed into Penn Station Saturday morning, rushing for a NJ Transit train, all together praying these dickheads crash in the Hudson?

GTA

Reminds me of the time Costanza tried to break up with Maura. "Its like launching missiles from a submarine...we both have to turn our key." Except this dude ran over her with a car.

I'm in the Liberty Science Center touching a big electromagnetic ball so the my hair stands up and kids in Canada are at the sex museum learning how to convince girls to have anal sex.

Nailed it! "No." "No." "No." "I'm gonna keep it in the room." "Suck my dick you blood sucking media leeches." That last one I may have inferred.

RANGERS SUCK, FLYERS SWALLOW... and Osgood watches! @GumdropNJD

Start your Thursday morning off right motherfuckers!