The CDC Is Trying To Take Beer League Hockey Away From You

CTV - The United States Centers for Disease Control and Prevention is warning that recreational hockey has the right conditions for a “superspreader event” of COVID-19. 

In its most recent Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report, the CDC documented the case of a recreational hockey game in Tampa Bay, Fla., back in June, in which 14 players and one arena staff member became ill within five days after the game.

…The CDC also says the situation could have been worse, given each team had fewer players than a typical team and there was just one spectator.

“The ice rink provides a venue that is likely well suited to COVID-19 transmission as an indoor environment where deep breathing occurs, and persons are in close proximity to one another,” the CDC report states.

Okay so first of all…what the fuck, Tampa? I mean you guys just won the Stanley Cup and we all had to watch from afar as you all got to drink out of the Cup during a boat parade. And as if that wasn't bad enough, now you're going to ruin beer league for the rest of us because you bastards can't stay clean for a couple of weeks? Selfish pricks. 

Secondly, the CDC can take roughly a zillion hikes with this shit. I'm sorry, nerds, but there's simply nothing you can do or say that would make showing up to beer league every week not worth it. Just think about everybody playing beer league hockey right now. If you're young and single, you're playing beer league because you weren't good enough to make it to the next level but you still love the game too much to let it go completely. If you're married with kids, you're playing beer league because it's the only time you're able to get some time to yourself and hang with the fellas as if you aren't completely washed up. If you're divorced, you're playing beer league because you just need to get out of the house and you probably get to take a ton of anger out on the ice. 

But the moral of the story here is that for everybody who is playing beer league hockey, they need that 90 minutes of ice time per week more than they need anything else. It's the best 90 minutes of their week. I hate to say it but "superspreader event" or not, getting together with the boys to play a game of hockey that is filled with turnovers and completely void of back checking just means more. So the CDC can shove it. 

And by the way, notice that one quote about how the CDC says it could have been worse if each team had their entire rosters show up to the game. Uhhhhh hey, CDC. You guys ever play beer league before, bro? Your team could have 30 guys on the roster and you're still going to play every game with a maximum of 4 dudes on the bench and your goalie isn't going to show up until 3 minutes into the 1st period. That's beer league hockey 101, nerds.