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All Hail Gary Bettman, The Greatest Commissioner In All Of Sports (Sidenote: Boooooooooo)

Dave Sandford. Getty Images.

You see that beautiful, majestic man right there? That is a man who dominated the coronavirus. That is a man who took a global pandemic, bent it over his knee, and proceeded to spank its bare ass for 2 months straight. Just dummied the hell out of COVID-19. Took it behind the woodshed and beat the everliving piss out of it. 

How, you may be asking to yourself right now? Well because this beast had an actual plan. He had a plan and everybody executed the shit out of it. So now we have a 2020 Stanley Cup Champion, a 2020 Draft that just wrapped up the 1st round last night, a free agency period that opens up on Friday, and a target start date for January 1st to get the 2021 season underway. 

Meanwhile, Roger Goodell has the brain capacity of Derek Zoolander. This buffoon is sipping on an orange mocha frappuccino in his recliner right now while it's a matter of time before half the league catches this damn thing. And yes, they'll all be fine because they're elite level athletes and the virus isn't going to test their health at all. But it's still a total clusterfuck nevertheless. Rob Manfred seems to be about as incompetent at his job as a 12-year-old would be at doing your taxes. And then I'd love to give Adam Silver some props here but everybody knows that LeBron is actually the NBA Commissioner so he's more of a figure head than anything. 

But at this point I don't even think that Gary Bettman is just the best commissioner by default because all the others suck. I think…I think Gary Bettman is actually pretty damn good at his job. The league is full of stars, there's expansion, there's parity, it's a really really strong product. And I get that it's still the least consumed out of the 4 major sports but that's nothing on Gary. That's just a hockey issue in general. 

So yeah. Gary Bettman is a certified beauty. That doesn't mean you have to stop booing him every chance you get. But just as long as they are friendly boo's. The same way you'd bust your buddy's balls. Gary Bettman has officially entered bustin' balls territory. He's even bordering on the verge of earning a classic hockey nickname like Bettso or Betty.