How About Long Island Hoarding All Of The Friendly's In The Tri-State Area?

Charles Krupa. Shutterstock Images.

So I was talking to my pal Joey Langone who is the social media manager of Podfathers and KFC Radio not to mention an all-around motherfucker as described on this blog. Joey decided to casually mention/brag that he had ordered some Friendly's sundaes delivered to his house.

Since I am curious/fat, I decided to hit up Google Maps to see where the nearest Friendly's was to me in my little neck of the woods in Winterfell since I had three (3) Friendly's within driving distance before they essentially were wiped from the planet like a culinary Order 66 hit was put on them. I expected there to be maybe one or two or maybe Joey had the lone remaining Friendly's sitting in his backyard like that one Blockbuster in Oregon.

What I saw shocked me. 

How the fuck does Long Island have that many Friendly's in the year 2020 of our Lord? Is that why the locals call it Strong Island? Jersey has a smattering of the Big F, my beloved Westchester/Putnam area is now shut out, but Friendly's are fucking THRIVING in Long Island. In fact, I think it's fair to say Long Island is to Friendly's restaurants what Leslie Mann's town inKnocked Up is to sex offenders.

Was Long Island just one gigantic Friendly's back in the 90s, complete with those red and white numbers that your parents stared hole through because the food lowkey took forever while you and your siblings were acting like jackass kids before getting the greatest treat in the ice cream game?

I worry about the future of our country simply because most of the children being raised today will never see or taste the magic of a Reese’s Cone Head, Monster Mash, or any of the other Friendly's sundaes that just hit different in a metal container, the big boys in the glass that came with a spoon longer than Tacko Fall that collected little pools of ice cream at the bottom, or the Fribble which is a tremendous milkshake that is somehow as delicious as it is fun to say. 

I'll also put Munchie Mania up against any appetizer sampler since you could make your own (but still not draft it in an appetizer draft) and pick such classics as mozz sticks, sliders, as well as cheese or chicken quesadillas,

Luckily two of the most ingenious creations straight out of Willy Wonka's medulla oblangata are available for sale in supermarkets, so the world hasn't been robbed of all of Friendly's goodness.

I don't know how the hell Long Island became the Friendly's capital of the Tri-State Area if not the world. But I'd kill Joey Langone right now for an All American burger (no SuperMelts because I'm big enough as is), some fries that were always the perfect crispiness, an unlimited Coke in the fancy Coca-Cola glasses with ice that made it POP, and a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup sundae. No, I mean I'm literally heading to Long Island to kill Joey for his taunting text, take his money, then buy myself the exact meal I just mentioned with a dead man's money. I better leave soon if I want to reach him in the next week with all that goddamn traffic.

Anyway, Happy Friday everybody!