Eliot Shorr-Parks is the Eagles reporter for 94.1 WIP. But from the look of things, it's a crime against humanity that this man is talking about sports instead of playing them. I mean sure, maybe Bo Jackson was a decent athlete for being able to score NFL touchdowns and smack a few dingers in the MLB. But ESP over here makes Bo Jackson look like a nerd playing "Magic: The Gathering" in a library. Because not only could ESP score a touchdown, not only could he crush a moonshot to dead center, but he could also put up 2 points in an NBA game.
Just in case you forgot, there was an NBA playoff game when Ben Simmons was only able to put up 1 point on the day. And he's an all-star. So basically what Eliot Shorr-Parks is saying is that he's twice as good as an NBA all-star. Just imagine a nice, crisp October Sunday. Eliot Shorr-Parks has a 12pm start with the Phillies at Citizens Bank Park. He hits for the cycle, naturally. Phils win. Then he crosses the street to Lincoln Financial Field where he has a 4pm kickoff with the Eagles. He rushes for 5 carries, 15yds, 3TDs. He's a power back, and he gets the job done. Then he crosses the street once more to the Wells Fargo Center where he has an 8pm tipoff with the Sixers on TNT. He's coming off the bench because he's already had such a busy day. But in his 13 minutes, this sick bastard puts up 27 & 9. Not his best performance on the season but it was still enough to carry the reigning champs to a win. Just another day in the life of ESP.
But what really makes him such a special athlete is just how humble he is. I feel like humbleness and humility are a lost art in athletes these days. Everybody always wants to talk about how great they are but they never want to talk about their flaws and/or shortcomings. But Eliot Shorr-Parks comes out and addresses them right away. Guy simply couldn't score a goal in the NHL. He'd still get a few hundred GP on the ol' HockeyDB, but no tucks. And he's not afraid to admit that. Elite character for an elite talent.