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How Does One Go About Finding A Birthday Present For The Man Who Has Everything In Life?

Seriously, what does Glenneth Balls III need?  He's got lovely ladies Tweeting him out, a My Hero down the block, a hot tub in his backyard, a few W's and (somehow) a few THOUSAND knife throwing kills in COD, and now his Rangers get the #1 overall pick???

The man just has it all.  I guess we can re-introduce The Ballad Of The Balls.  Legitimately one of my favorite montages ever.  

It doesn't matter what we call him - Private Balls, Sleepy Balls, Benedict Balls, Peaky Balls, Alien Balls, Grizzly Balls, Glenny Bear, Long Island's Mozzarella Mistress, The Hero Of My Hero, The FIT GOD, Sergeant Stains...

The Balls is a true Glennasiance Man.  Happy Birthday, buddy.  Your present is to be carried, again, around Verdansk.  

Let's saddle up.